Cosmetic surgery to improve engagement ring selfies


Remember folks - people don’t care about a symbolic representation of the fact that your relationship is doing well if your fingers are fat!

No one will like you if you have flabby hands or if the cost of your ring isn’t sending you into debt!


When I was young and became engaged, I was very proud of my diamond and sapphire ring. I remember the disappointment when I flashed it at work and my co-workers just kind of yawned. In the course of that marriage I ended up losing that one and buying another I liked better, but it still didn’t make me any happier in my marriage.

So when I remarried I decided not to have an engagement ring but instead to spend the money on a house down payment. I have a nice gold band, no bling, and to me it is perfect because it reminds me that this time I made the choices that are for my own happiness, and not the ones that are about appearing to be happy to the outside world.

Perhaps these hand surgery patients will find the money well spent; but I doubt it.


The wedding industry seems to thrive on the principle that a fool and his money are soon parted.

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The results of plastic surgery operations eventually sag once more, but a Photoshop job is forever!


I had a similar experience. We were poor and wanted something antique. I found French 19th Century ring I liked for a very low price. It had a tiny diamond, but I don’t even like them so I didn’t really care. I liked the historic style and simple structure.

But it still hurt when my (then) best friend said “It looks like something you’d get out of a gumball machine” to me. The same friend then said I was too materialistic when I told her that hurt my feelings.

Then she stood me up at my wedding (she was my bridesmaid).

Needless to say: FUCK HER.

But it still completely managed to ruin the joy I felt at the time.

I still have the ring though and I still like it, though I almost never wear rings at all and the marriage ended amicably. Since it isn’t obviously an engagement ring though I can easily get away with wearing it on my right hand. All in all I found having a wedding expensive, painful, a lot of work, traumatic, an invitation for abuse, and completely miserable for me. It was more like a hazing ritual in which any happiness I had at the thought of marrying was smashed to pieces while I ran the gauntlet realizing I actually had no friends at all of my own and that none of my husband’s friends actually liked me. If I did marry again I’d do it as a vacation, friends only (pay your own way), and I’d wear whatever the hell I felt like wearing that day. But honestly it was so bad I think getting married is something to do for immigration or insurance, and nothing else. I don’t ever want to hurt like that again, especially not when I’m sewing and painting all night after work to prepare things, and spending enough money to get a graduate degree on throwing a party for people to make fun of me at.

So come to think of that: FUCK ALL THAT.


Well it’s less expensive than Photoshop in the long term…


It’s strange how much effort goes into trying to convince other people of the merit of one’s own happiness.

The amount of grief we put ourselves through to prove that we’re happy to people who ought to be able to see it for themselves if they genuinely care is absurd.


I’m getting cosmetic surgery to relieve the perspective distortion caused by selfies. Everybody says that it’ll look strange in real life, but since I hardly every leave my computer, that’s something I can live with.


Not everybody can afford useless cosmetic surgery. Surprising, but true.

I actually did get my wife’s engagement ring out of a gumball machine.


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