Crowbar-wielding unicorn raids Maryland store for cash and cigarettes

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/03/16/crowbar-wielding-unicorn-raids.html

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Police say the suspect had fled in a silver car.

The car and the accomplices:

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Friendship may be magic; but apparently a simple machine is still the go-to when getting past locked doors.

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immediately filing no charges really sends a message.

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It’s really the perfect disguise. Only virgins can see unicorns, so it’s practically invisible…

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Yeah! Done shitting happiness and hope for naught, just like Rosy O’Donnell after her bout of premonitory warring with Trump…Could it be?.. Hey! Rosie! Is that you in there?

Needs a unicorn chaser?

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Maryland? Sounds more like Florida.

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#notallunicorns, but still, I think it’s time we had an honest discussion about unicorn culture.

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Eh, it sounds right for Baltimore, though.

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They located what appeared to be the same car after it had wrecked. No other cars were involved in the wreck.

So was the wreck due to drugs - or the suspect unable to see because he was wearing a damn unicorn costume?

It’s amazing how often the Repo Man scene, where a robber wearing a poor disguise ends up hurting himself attempting to flee because he can’t see, plays itself out in reality…

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Gain: $207.53
Lose: Automobile, probably freedom

Crackhead logic.

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They could have tried the alternative…

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I’m Lame Clown Posse?

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You’re assuming it was his car.

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Batman in a different universe, where he becomes a drug addict living on the street, shuffling down alleys screaming “I’m Batman!!! I’m Batman!!!”

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those chad cops will never catch him!

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So baddass!

If I could choose one group of people to see me, it wouldn’t be incels.

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