Custom literary matchboxes for chasing away poo-gas


I guess it’s clever, but hasn’t it been firmly established that lighting a match will not in fact do anything much to “chase away poo-gas”? The details escape me, but I seem to recall that the smell of the burning match basically just covers up the other odors, and the flammable components (like methane) are not actually the odoriferous ones, which are actually present in much lower concentrations.

It’s all volatile sulphur compounds. the match ones are stronger than the bum ones.

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I like that Number Two is capitalized. Is that a proper noun? Maybe it’s that person who kept harassing Number Six?

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Who cares? I’d rather smell matchsmoke than sulfur compounds and aerosolized feces (yep.)

Any vent fan powerful enough to suck out all the existing air from a bathroom quickly enough that someone waiting to go next has a room of entirely new air is going to be deafeningly loud and will probably leave the reading material and sundries in considerable disarray. Air fresheners have a cloying stink that, when mixed with shit smell, manage to smell even worse than the shit smell on its own. So matches it is, preferably wooden.

[quote=“L_Mariachi, post:5, topic:47355”]and will probably leave the reading material and sundries in considerable disarray
[/quote]With matches, I’d be very much concerned about the risk of setting fire to said materials. Anyway, are fans of such magnitude in common use?

Words to live by.

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No, and that’s why. As far as setting fire to things, just… don’t do that. Keep an ashtray or a clamshell or something for used matches.

Personally I think the match is effective, but somewhat crass. Using a match to light a candle though is more classy. Candle > match > bum.

It’s a shame they didn’t do one for Smollett’s Humphry Clinker, err, that is, Humphry Stinker, which has some nice words on poo smells:

He observed, that stink, or stench, meant no more than a strong impression on the olfactory nerves; and might be applied to substances of the most opposite qualities; that in the Dutch language, stinken signifies the most agreeable perfume, as well as the most fetid odour, as appears in Van Vloudel’s translation of Horace, in that beautiful ode, Quis multa gracilis, &c.—The words fiquidis perfusus odoribus, he translates van civet & moschata gestinken: that individuals differed toto coelo in their opinion of smells, which, indeed, was altogether as arbitrary as the opinion of beauty; that the French were pleased with the putrid effluvia of animal food; and so were the Hottentots in Africa, and the Savages in Greenland; and that the Negroes on the coast of Senegal would not touch fish till it was rotten; strong presumptions in favour of what is generally called stink, as those nations are in a state of nature, undebauched by luxury, unseduced by whim and caprice: that he had reason to believe the stercoraceous flavour, condemned by prejudice as a stink, was, in fact, most agreeable to the organs of smelling; for, that every person who pretended to nauseate the smell of another’s excretions, snuffed up his own with particular complacency; for the truth of which he appealed to all the ladies and gentlemen then present: he said, the inhabitants of Madrid and Edinburgh found particular satisfaction in breathing their own atmosphere, which was always impregnated with stercoraceous effluvia: that the learned Dr B—, in his treatise on the Four Digestions, explains in what manner the volatile effluvia from the intestines stimulate and promote the operations of the animal economy: he affirmed, the last Grand Duke of Tuscany, of the Medicis family, who refined upon sensuality with the spirit of a philosopher, was so delighted with that odour, that he caused the essence of ordure to be extracted, and used it as the most delicious perfume: that he himself (the doctor) when he happened to be low-spirited, or fatigued with business, found immediate relief and uncommon satisfaction from hanging over the stale contents of a close-stool, while his servant stirred it about under his nose; nor was this effect to be wondered at, when we consider that this substance abounds with the self-same volatile salts that are so greedily smelled to by the most delicate invalids, after they have been extracted and sublimed by the chemists.

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um…excuse me, but my shit doesn’t stink!


How on Earth did they not do “A Tale of Two Shitties”?

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Atlas Sharted kinda gives me goosebumps.

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The Sound and the Fury
Under the Volcano
Howards End

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Anyone want to be an angel investor for my awesome idea inspired by literary poo matches?

  • Poo matches with a cored out center (like a pencil) that are filled with an incense compound -

No more covering up bio-sulfurs with match sulfurs… Cover your shame with an assortment of delightful incenses!

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I think wooden matches would be easier to light, but I admire your commitment to recycling.


I’ve always been partial to a little spritz of bleach cleaner into the air. It seems to actually work. Or cover it better.

Perhaps hydrogen peroxide would be superior, on the basis of that’s what is often recommended to deodorize skunk spray (which is likewise based on sulfur compounds) and it’s probably not much more dangerous that spraying bleach around.