For sure, a positive frame of mind has immensely helped me through really difficult times. I do struggle with depression but deep down I’m an optimist
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I had one of those last year. Clogged artery that feeds the heart. They call it “the widow maker”. Charming. Didn’t have the usual symptoms though. No pressure on the chest or any of that. Just a really really sore back - which apparently is more of a female rendition of an attack and that’s why teh wimmens don’t get properly diagnosed when their hearts fuck up. That’s not good.
I had symptoms like that for days before the big deal. And it wasn’t all: “Oh shit I’m gonna die.” I was just pissed off it was hurting so much. The folks at St. Joe’s ER were exemplary at keeping me from exploding like a Rob Bottin creation. With my big white beard they were all very solicitous and attentive cuz no one wanted to be on the shift where Santa died. So - if you can’t wear clean underwear make sure you have a big ass white beard.
The whole thing about recovering in hospital is true. Farts and moans and things that go beep - all - fucking - night - long. And then when you technically wake up you get fed the most vile substitute for real food. Sorry. St. Joe’s - Santa doesn’t like yer food.
They put in a stent. Pumped me with drugs. After 3 days of me complaining they sent me home. Whereupon I cooked myself a bacon sandwich, washed down with a Guinness. The plastic bag in the b.g. has my heart meds in it.
And yes - do not have a heart attack. It’s no fun - but there may be bacon.
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I’m imagining delirious hearts popping out and around to the infinitesimal, imagining the luck it wasn’t them first. Ripping herd health to everyone’s less circadian pumpers (…the odd entire demerit for being on Hari Kunzru’s s— list or having worn a “Journalist. Tree. Rope. Some Assembly Required” tee notwithstanding.)
Spleen and kidney runnings, yeah! Those FOX genes leaping from tendon ends to make sure everything’s branched where it needs it.
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So … I guess this is going around. I had a heart attack three weeks ago. I wouldn’t describe it as an elephant on my chest. But I also thought it was heartburn or something. The pain started on a Friday morning walking from my car to go into Costco. I have a pretty bad case of GERD, so I kind of thought maybe I’d just done something to damage my esophagus or something. I never got short of breath, and the pain was not as bad as Cyriak’s. It subsided after a few minutes. I went to my doctor in the afternoon, because I coincidentally had an appointment with her. I told her what happened, she did an EKG, and said it looked normal. The pain kept returning throughout the weekend. It would hit me, last a few minutes, and then go away. The pain started just below my throat, and then it radiated up into my jaw. Sunday night it got really bad. It left me in tears. But it was more of a stabbing pain than an elephant on my chest. Anyway, Monday afternoon I was at the hospital anyway because the woman I take care of (I’m a caregiver), had an appointment there, when the pain hit me again. So she told me to go to the ER. I did, with some stupid reluctance because, like Cyriak apparently, I thought I’d just be wasting their time and resources for something not serious. They did not let me leave. Wednesday they transferred me to a different hospital, did a cardiac catheterization, found an artery almost totally blocked, and put in a stent. They sent me home the next day. Now I’m on a bunch of meds, including a blood thinner so I bruise if there’s a draft through my room, and they all make me tired all the time. This whole thing sucks. I have a little bit of fuzzy brain, too, which is just really awesome since I’m also in law school. I turned 52 today. I am incredibly grateful to be alive. I also don’t drink or smoke, although I used to do both. My diet and exercise habits went to shit over the past year, which I’m sure contributed to it. Anywho, I’m still here, and hopefully will soon be better and stronger. I also do not recommend a heart attack.
ETA: I am also grateful that I have a halfway decent insurance plan now that I am a student. If this had happened a year and a half ago, it would have bankrupted me. As it is, I’m definitely going to exceed my Out of Pocket Maximum for the year, so hopefully if my body is planning on any other surprises, they’ll happen before the end of the year.
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Good thing I am immune to that, because I am single.
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Cyriak’s work makes me have hope, knowing such weirdness exists. Some of it is wonderful to watch, and some of it reminds me of having a stroke and what I imagine a heart attack might feel like. Life imitates art.
Happy to hear he survived! More weird shit, please!
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