A tiny inter-dimensional gateway replacing the wizard’s sphincter would work. You’d need to make sure the exit was pointed in the right direction though. Miniature demons escaping from under the robes would be bad, but not as bad as them escaping in the other direction.
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Years ago in a D&D campaign, I was playing a wizard and we were up against a huge monster – probably a dragon. I’d used up many of my spells and was running out of ideas. Then I had a thought.
“Can I use Knock on the dragon?”
“Why… in what possible way would you use Knock? It’s for opening doors.”
“It can open any doorway, portal, or opening, right?”
“Yyyyeeeesss…?”
“We’re trying to distract the dragon. I use Knock to open his sphincter wide. That would sure as hell distract me if I was a dragon.”
Sadly, the DM said no.
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Ninja’d by @LearnedCoward!
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That sounds like a perfectly cromulent use of Knock to me. 
Also, just on the slight off chance that you haven’t seen it:
If by some chance you haven’t seen it, set some time aside to laugh a lot. (It’s in the style of Skippy’s List - but It’s still glorious in its own right.)
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So the essence of the debate is between the bowlitarians who believe the Way, the Truth, and Light is water bowls, and that water bottles are unnatural, will break teeth, and will catch hedgehog tongues and injure them. The other side is everyone who has a water bottle who are like, well, keeping pets isn’t natural, hedgies don’t break their teeth or cut their tongues to shreds on water bottles, and could you please calm down about this imaginary peril. Sometimes bottle-partisans will note that hedgies can get poop in their water bowls, and bottles are generally cleaner. There’s a number of arguments, counter-arguments, and emotional appeals to the basic human decency with the other side lacks. Some might suggest it’s a waste of time to argue on the internet about how you keep your pet hydrated, but few hedgehog obsessives hold to this position. Also the bowlitarians are totally wrong, bottles are not only fine, but better.
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I think what you may have used was Bigby’s Probing Finger.
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How do you feel about Ralph Nader 
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Thank you for you obviously unbiased and fact filled overview of this important issue.
And while I will never have a hedgehog, I know now not to be won over by those cultish bowletarians.
Viva the bottle
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Then WHY IS IT THE 45th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?
HUH? NO ANSWER TO THAT ONE! KNEEL BEFORE MY CRUSHING LOGICAL TRUTH!!!
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Really, who doesn’t enjoy a good poop?
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I see you more as a classic Fedora type. Not the Trilby, but a proper old-school Fedora.
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WAWJK?
Whose ass would Jesus kick?
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About Nader as about myself, my feelings are mixed.
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Some of those seem eminently sensible. Especially the ‘blowing up evil cutlists’ lair’. That’s standard COC tactics, surely?
I love you.
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Well sure, I can see how the gamesmaster would get peed-off at having to tear-up all his carefully made plans, however.
I think what you might be saying here is that GMs would find us both hard work. Either that or Paranoia RPG corrupts more players than I thought. 
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I like Bernie.
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So you’re saying that bowls are totally the way to go, amirite? 
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I think the author of those “I shalt not’s” must be dealing with a very… hmmm… anal GM.
I mean, right off the bat, everyone should be basing their characters on Keith Moon…
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And I feel that a WEG Star Wars RPG party consisting entirely of R2 units is a thing of joy and beauty - so long as they’re also buying the GM beer to make up for the headaches. 
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