My big “Oh shit, I am racist” moment came when I was travelling for work.
I was sharing a rental car with a coworker, who is black. We were driving along and talking and he mentions that he is really, really into Lord of the Rings, and I find myself thinking “Huh, that’s weird”.
It was entirely because in my head a person of color being into Lord of the Rings was outside what I expected, based entirely on race. I remind myself of that often and try to be better. Racism and white supremacy is everywhere, even in me and I have to make a conscious effort to recognize it and fight it there too.
Isn’t that exactly what we’re talking about when we talk about stuff like this? I wish more white people would stop acting like trying to improve yourself is some anti-white conspiracy theory…
My personal answer to that is “not really.” But I still work to improve myself, root out my biases, unlearn all kinds of behavior and thought patterns. Why? Because no one else should have to deal with my shit. If I am going to injure someone, I want it to I only ever be when I intend to do so. Not because I didn’t bother to correct a problematic behavior or thought pattern or refused to see and fix my own bigotry.
I feel kind of the same way. I’m an adult. I have friends. But I have so few friends that my reply to the question is, “I’m not sure I have anyone who I would label a friend.” Are the people I work with my friends? If I quit or get fired, I would assume I will never talk with those people again. I am not sure the people I associate with through sports or hobbies are my friends either.
I am not sure why the people feel the need to pretend to have black friends.
Watched into #3 or so and that triggered another question for me: How many people remember the names of their childhood oder other friends you’ve lost contact with?
I just racked my mind of who was important to me between the 70s and 90s and I came with like 6 names easily. Names, that is. I remember a few people more and how I interacted with them in private, non-school or university setttings, but I can’t remmeber their names.
Now, my current friends and close acquaintances I can name, but for some of them it would be like having to remember the US states or all the German Länder – you generally know them and might get the list eventually, but unless you are there, you don’t remember. If they are standing besides me, surely. Well, almost surely. If I’d get asked on the street, I’d probably blank our. Though asked wether I had any black/gay/trans friends, I’d honestly said “no”, though, so I’m sure that many just said “yes” because they think that this is the socially acceptable answer.
The one trans woman I know I know mainly under her then Hacker-handler, but since it was a male character, I’d think using that one would be dead-naming her. I don’t remember her birth name, but not her real name. Lost contact after she married pre-transition and only ran into her when she was back into this region after moving, because she visited her daughter. Was glad to hear that even 199x her team lead was adamant to remind his team that he would consider any dead-naming and “just joking” termination-worth harassment.
• unnamed boy who moved away
• unnamed boy who stole from me
• unnamed boy who lived under our apartment, son of landlord
grade 5 to 10
• Michael , neighbour when we had moved
grade 7 to 10
• unnamed boy with whom I programmed and who read the same books
• unnamed boy with whom I swapped software
• unnamed boy
• Marc
grade 11 to 13, after we moved up north
• Volker (I think)
• Volker’s brother
• guy I drove with
Only much later names become more reliable.
All white “of course”, as this was in the 70s and 80s and part of that in rural Northern Germany. I think the first POC I actually interacted with was this Afro-American/German girl in grade 11 to 13, who ruffled my hair which I found rather encroaching. Parallel class, no shared courses, though.
If someone actually wanted to make people improve themselves, they’d ask them if they have any friends who are black out of the spotlight, in a safe and nonconfrontational way, remind them that ‘no’ is an acceptable answer, and then ask them to reflect on what personal and structural factors might make the answer ‘no’. It’d be a nice way to open up a discussion about segregation, drawing their attention to the way that their friends are drawn from their workplace and neighborhood and just how little diversity there is in either. As well as their own biases.
Antiracist™ Brand Entertainment that embarrasses people on national television for the amusement of others is perhaps the best way to make people defensive, cause them to think about themselves and how to save face, and stoke the feeling that it’s all about some vague ‘them’ trying to do a vague something to them.
Nobody forced those folks to be on national television. They made that choice, and revealed something about themselves in the process. Just like nobody forces people to comment in online forums.
