Do you have a 'long stabby thing' next to the bed just in case someone breaks in?


Originally published at:


Is that what the kids are calling it these days?


Long stabby things can get the job done, but many of us actually prefer a short shooty thing.


Damn it… all I have is a below average blunt instrument… :frowning:

Wait - what are we talking about again?


Are intruders afraid of silicone?


I came for the dick jokes, and was not disappointed.


I don’t know if I’d call it stabby, but I do have a fireplace poker (which has never seen a fireplace) under the edge of my bed. It gives me a reach advantage over a knife or most other things, it can be swung as well as jabbed, with a hook for extra utility. It’s also easy to find a good one for short money, and nobody looks at you funny when you buy it. It’s certainly not the be-all and end-all of home defense, but it’s a pretty good value.


…but the recoil tho…


It’s a … medium slashy thing.


The reach advantage is why I have a baseball bat, with a much shorter backup in case nothing alerts me before an intruder gets close.


I have a dog, who counts for a dozen or so small stabby things.


Apparently so!


Leave it to @beschizza to slip in a Wittgenstein joke… Although if I recall correctly, the poker was wielded by the positivist (if either of them can be described as such).


slip in


How about an Inuit sculpture?


I used to sleep with an adjustable spanner under my pillow during the year before I left Carlisle. It’s not a situation I want to go back to.


Reminds me of Lord Russell’s “stabber’s paradox”:

If the stabber is the person who stabs all those – and only those – who do not stab themselves, then does the stabber stab himself?


Well, we have a long blasty thing that we keep under the bed. A shotgun.

I suppose one of these days we’ll have to actually use it at least once to gain some experience. Finally buying the shells for it would help. Until then I can say we have a long clubby thing.


They were making dick jokes in their heads in the video after the woman said that her husband was her long stabby thing, it’s inevitable; it brought the guy who started the segment to tears.


You know, if you get a bayonet, you can have thing that is both stabby and blasty. And there are shotguns with bayonet mounts on them.