Dozens of giant snails seized at airport



H.R.Giger would be proud.

I’ve eaten giant Nigerian snail. Chewy but good.

My brain instaread the headline as Dozens of giant snails sneezed at airport.

It was a glorious moment of confusion.


No mention of whether there was an accompanying shipment of butter and garlic?

I’ve heard about these. Apparently, some kid brought back one of these giant snails and was showing it off on his return trip home. He had brought it as a carry-on, but oddly enough, people he showed it to only remarked on how large it was, rather than raising any alarms. He first took it through the airport security in Nigeria, where the security person commented on how fine and large the snail was. Then, he showed it to the US security checkpoint, and received compliments on just how big the snail’s shell was and how it was sure to impress his friends back home. While boarded, one of the flight attendants remarked “Wow, that snail is truly giant! Is he your pet?” and the kid said that he was bringing him back to live in his parents’ garden, which was normal sized. The attendant laughed and called over another flight attendant, who gawked at the oversized animal. After landing and returning home, he snuck the snail into his parents garden where he watched it slime around the plants. After a week or so, he was visited by a team from the US department of agriculture, who had heard about this kid’s giant snail from the airline. Apparently, the airline had made a big deal about the size of the snail, but had completely forgotten about the limitations on importing giant snails. The parents brought the kid down and talked to the security team, who showed them out back to the garden. The security team took one look at the snail and said, “that snail isn’t so big.”


Those guys look delicious! But snails are an awful pest in the garden - no matter how hungry you are, there’s always more babies. Aquarium too.

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Crap. I was supposed to hold onto those snails for a Nigerian prince in exchange for $20M!


“Once discovered, the snails tried to flee from the crime scene, it was very sad and pathetic, declared a custom official.”


What’s wrong with these people bringing large snails? Don’t kids read The Quest for the Blank Claverangi anymore?

There goes my whole stable for the Calaveras County Fair & Snail Racing Jubilee. wahhhh…

Goddamn Santerios

White privilege caused the Florida giant snail invasion, then. A Fitting Punishment

Whereas I was thinking Dozens of Giant Snails Seize Airport


This is all Spongebob’s fault.

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Incinerated. Damn.

1with garlic and butter. Damn good.


You know, they have less brain than a member of the Tea Party (debatable), yet I feel bad about that. They didn’t ask to be kidnapped and brought to America. And we didn’t even have the courtesy to deport them. Instead, incinerated. Burned to ash. And if you think ash tastes good with garlic and butter, well… I wish they had been properly cooked and served.

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