Dracula Untold: yet another villain gets a pathos-fueled emo origin story


#1

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#2

My take on the new Drac, based solely on the promos I’ve seen for it, is that someone came up with a really neat dragon armor design for the Targaryens but couldn’t sell it to the Game of Thrones producers, and decided to base a movie around it.


#3

A career as an Elder Scrolls 3D modeler awaits!


#4

How sad. The original Dracula and the Frankenstein books are absolutely lovely. I guess at least Frankenstein has a full blown back story, so maybe they won’t mess with that one as badly. But Dracula is just sublime, one of my favorite books of all time, and to desecrate it with this punch 'em up crap is a crime.


#5

Next up, a mosaic montage concerning the arguments with his inscrutable father, fuelled by the same, old misunderstanding which perpetually drives baleful Pazuzu.


#6

At least they haven’t done this to the Creature from the Black Lagoon.


#7

There was the VH1 BackStory episode about ?his? dark years where it was living on the street and earning drug money via street performance…


#8

I remember that. It really got beneath the surface and dove deep into the Creature’s career. It was, as I recall, called Behind The Gills.


#10

The trick is to not watch it.


#11

I don’t really grok the Nerd Rage over this particular movie, I think it expanded pretty well on the themes originally laid down in Hotel Transylvania and Blacula. Granted, this is a step back from the cool Bond villain we all learned to love throughout the enduring Van Helsing franchise, But it’s still a better love story than Twilight.

Seriously though, I realize that it’s all tongue in cheek, but sometimes I wonder if it’s really healthy to blow your top over any and all things that aren’t perfect. Outrage is a finite resource. We should not waste it - even ironically - on things that are just “meh”.


#12

Some of the real-life behind the scenes stories from that movie were actually pretty good too. Ricou Browning, the stuntman who performed all the underwater sequences for the Creature, was wrapping up a test-swim in the costume on the Universal lot when he popped out of the water next to a kid who happened to be touring the set. Said kid subsequently LOST. HIS. SHIT. as Browning tried in vain to calm him down.


#13

Based on the trailers, I think they really missed a prime promotional opportunity by not naming the movie Batnado.


#14

Just another Uncle Fish doing the shuck-n-jive for mouth-breathers.

###REMEMBER THE FRYING TIMES!


#15

Honestly, I’d rather see an actioned-up version of the life of Vlad Tepes than another movie about the vampire who borrowed Vlad’s nickname.


#16

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