Originally published at: E.T. II, the mega-dark sequel that never happened | Boing Boing
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And that’s how we were denied the gem that was to be the E.T. II Atari 2600 game.
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E.T. vs Alien vs. Predator
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Another spinoff with terrible writing was the E.T. Adventure ride at Universal Studios.
First, he flies the kids’ bikes all the way back to his home planet with no spaceship, establishing that the entire plot of the movie was pointless. Then when he gets home the other aliens call the guy "E.T."
So are we supposed to understand that that was his actual name and Elliot’s nickname for him was just a lucky guess?
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The other aliens also speak and sing in fluent English. So what was up with E.T.'s broken English? Let’s keep the fluent aliens back home and send the guy who’s bad at languages to Earth!
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I still think E.T. was just Short Wrinkly Jesus.
- Pacifist sent to Earth
- Had healing touch
- Befriended loyal supporters who helped him spread his message
- Pursued by authorities
- Died, mourned by friends
- Miraculously returned to life
- Ascended back to the heavens
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Although if I recall, E.T. was a beer guy, not a wine guy.
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When he got home, the other aliens tossed him in the slammer.
Forming an empathic bond with an under-age alien child has to be all kinds of illegal prevy.
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It started off as Coors, but it transformed into a fine Bordeaux as soon as he blessed it.
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There’s a Robot Chicken sketch that shows that exact scenario. I won’t link to it because it includes an offensive slur for the mentality handicapped, but basically it shows E.T. returning to his home planet and these normal-speaking asshole jock aliens are pissed that he found his way back after they intentionally ditched him on earth. One of them also says “what the hell are you calling yourself “E. T.” for? Your name is Cleborg!”
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The Michelangelo-referencing poster implies that he’s actually Adam.
Given he’s as old as creation give or take 6 days, I can understand why he has so many wrinkles.
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At some point Spielberg was saying in interviews that he could never make a movie about evil aliens. That lasted until War of the Worlds, I guess. I can also understand the guy doing everything he could to prevent ET II from turning into Jaws 4D.
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E.T. II kind of sounds cool if you ask me!
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Alien stomach-buster scene with a little E.T. head sticking out.
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To be fair, all the aliens came to Earth. ET was just the one who was too stupid to get back to the ship on time.
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You’re kinda making the assumption that Jesus was tall and smooth
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And that movie instead became Super 8.
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Super 8 = ET + Stand By Me.
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As a god you go with what you’ve got, ok?
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