Enjoy a tarantula burger in Durham, North Carolina

But is that a soft shell? I have cooked a great many of those over the years in restaurants, but I can not get over enough the texture enough to eat them shells and all.

Danny-DeVito-Nope

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“Waiter, there’s a fly in my burger!”
“Give it a minute…”

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I’ve eaten plenty of crickets and have tried ants and mealworms; I was disappointed to not get to try witchetty grubs in Australia. And goodness knows I’ve eaten my share of crabs and lobster, so I’m pretty open minded when it comes to bug eating. Poopy tarantula abdomen is something I’ll pass on.

I’ve enjoyed crabs in Maryland at one of those pound-them-with-a-hammer restaurants that’s heavy on the Old Bay, but crabs are problematic things for people used to crab legs on buffets. Open up a hard shell and there’s all these organs and strange things inside, like an alien landscape. Or fry a soft shell and put it on a bun and you’re biting into a crab’s face, as my mom gamely tried to do at a seafood stand on Cape Cod before giving up in honorable defeat.

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According to Google Images, it’s a softshell.

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Ick. I was trained to cut the face off, remove the pointy flap on the underside, and take out the lungs. Then again, it definitely was not a stand on the Cape!

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I am not ok with this.

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