Not really a good suggestion for teenage males though, because it’s not really reversible.
Except I don’t believe that was said nor implied either. Granted, people can read things differently on the internet. But it appears to me they just gave their opinion on what works best for the majority of people. And the majority of people agree with that statement (see below), as they appear to be in or seeking monogamous relationships. Yes people in monogamous relationships cheat. Their failure doesn’t mean they don’t still want monogamy, just perhaps with a different person. If someone who is vegetarian eats fried chicken on their birthday, does that mean they aren’t still vegetarian or at least trying to be?
I agree. But their statement shouldn’t mean one is anti anything else (maybe that person is, I dunno, but I don’t think one can conclude that with one statement.) Conversely, if someone said, “I also think the majority of humans are better served by having sex only within open, free relationships.” isn’t anti-monogamy.
It just seems to me people can make a statement on what they feel is best with out extra baggage being piled on top. Yes, I get it, many people who are ANTI those things may make similar statements. But I didn’t get that vibe from just one sentence. I suppose I am just encouraging assuming better, rather than worse, or at least get a clarification? YMMV.
I am still confused how condoms break. You can stick your whole fist in there or fill it with water the size of a watermelon. How the hell do they break during sex?
Maybe its the really cheap ones?
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Correct. It implies that sex outside a committed, monogamous relationship worse serves the majority of humans. As a reminder, the original comment read:
This is different from saying “the majority of humans prefer to have sex only within committed, monogamous relationships”, which might be backed up by statistics.
Instead it’s a statement of judgement supported by no reason except for a vague reference to “the real problems of casual sex”. Presumably one of those problems would be unplanned pregnancies, but these happen in monogamous relationships and, as the main article discusses, wouldn’t be as big a problem if men took more responsibility for their part in it.
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#notallunwantedpregnancies
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My messaging to my sons have been all about agency.
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Consent, first and foremost. Do nothing that both people don’t expressly want to do (and are capable of consenting to), no matter how horny you are.
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For a male, the condom is the place where we have some control over what might happen. Our partners might be on the pill, but might have forgotten (or any of the other forms of female centric birth control). They might have an STD. All of those things are outside a male’s control. What is in our control is deciding to wear a condom.
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After the sex is over, males no longer have any control over the outcome. If a pregnancy results, we are responsible to be supportive of whatever choices the woman might make. It is no longer up to us to decide, only to accept and support. (Of course, men have a role in discussion, but we do not get a veto at this point).
For my boys they receive the message that their moment of agency in this context is in ensuring consent and choosing to use a condom.
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I think it is possible to agree with the basic premises of the article and yet legitimately disagree with some of the hyperbolic claims.
IIRC, oil based lubrication that is incompatible with latex is one factor. For some reason I’m reluctant to do a google search for “broken condom” to check my recollection.
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wooosh.
No, we still do. It could be argued that this can never change, women must always be responsible for a pregnancy when men can skip out.
Maybe, but this shouldn’t even be a part of the conversation, not having sex is best for not getting pregnant yet in the real world that is not an option no matter what anybody says, having sex in a committed (monogamous or otherwise) relationship is best for most people but human relationships are messy and just getting to a committed relationship may mean going through partners to whom one may not want to commit and then there are people who will never want to commit because of reasons. No point int making policy based on ideal conditions.
Condom in the wallet/car for too long, buying the magnum sized ones because well…, using oil based lubricants when it explicitly says not to on the box, not putting it on right, messing with it during sex, bad luck.
The point was hyperbole.
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Seems about right to me.
Condoms are not unbreakable. Also, correct fit is important, and the “size” on the label can be pretty innacurate. Don’t ask me how I know 
Well IIRC “perfect use” for the stats assumes an intact condom, that doesn’t slip off. So 96% is the effectiveness if the condom works as intended, 4% of the time, sperm just gets through. That’s part of why the effectiveness drops so much when you study the practical results in the real work. Fit is an issue as well. From what I understand US regs only allow for a single size of condom. And you’ll only find two claimed sizes on the US market, “condom” and “bigger condom”. Size variation between those, and between brands and styles basically comes about through manufacturing tweaks to skirt the line of the FDA set standard size. Its all a bit of a mess when you look into it more deeply.
Condoms are still important. They still work, and are quite a bit better at blocking STI’s than pregnancies. But the credible advice these days always seems to recommend they be used combination with something else.
Good for you; your perception is not the only one that matters.
I don’t believe the opinion in question was intentionally meant to slight anyone, but it was still an example of a person privilege projecting his personal preferences onto others, even hypothetically.
That you share that same kind of privilege is likely why you are unable to see the issue there.
The use of the word “failure” is an interesting choice there, one that implies negative connotations and judgment that wasn’t included my point.
O_o
In my anecdote, I was referencing people I know personally who have cheated repeatedly with different individuals, to the detriment of their so-called committed relationships.
Based on that consistent behavior, I think its safe to say in their hearts of hearts they don’t actually want to be monogamous, but they probably attempt it anyway… because that what is expected of them by society.
What one person means has nothing to do with how well or poorly it is perceived by others.
I think you’re projecting your own feelings about interacting on this forum there, and consequently getting into ‘White Knight’ territory, and frankly it’s a tad bit annoying.
I am allowed to have my own perceptions and opinions when other folks make overreaching statements, and its my choice whether I choose to pursue a more detailed explanation of what was “meant” rather than what was actually stated.
Absolutely; phrasing matters, especially for the purpose of clarity.
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Definitely not. Neither poster was arguing against monogamy. They were arguing against the position that monogamy was the best solution, which argument leaves no room for other approaches.
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The problem isn’t the relationship style, it’s our collective confusion around relationships.
For years I have been wanting sex ed and health to include explicit dicussions around boundaries, self advocacy, empathy, communication, and healthy relationship models.
Many of us are raised in situations where the people who say they love us also abuse, neglect and humiliate us. Maybe a parent even claimed to be acting out of love before physically punishing you.
I have no doubt that it will take more than a semester in school to reverse this. But giving kids the language and tools is a great way to get them started.
Edit: superflous conjunction
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Amen to all of that:
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*snickerz
What a real ‘game changer’ it would be if that was actually a commonplace reality…
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I know a little Latin, and clicked anyway… 
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I must say the folklore associated is an interesting read. 
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Interesting that the “cure” was a strap-on dildo, made of steel no less.
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