It can be cute and romantic too. It doesn’t have to be a mood killer unless that’s already one’s mindset.
The first time my current long term partner and I decided to sleep together nearly 20 years ago we went to the store together to buy condoms, and he also got me a bunch of dark red carnations. I dried out a few of the flowers and still have them.
Although we are especially weird, we also planned to save one of the unopened condoms for a scrap book we were planning but never got around to putting together. We do still have a bag of movie and travel tickets for the non existent scrap book.
Once at my local grocery store I saw a guy and girl in their 20’s run, not speed walk or jog, but full on run into and through the store holding hands. By chance as I was approached the checkout they ran up and got in line just ahead of me.
Their items:
1x 6 pack of cheap beer
1x shrink wrapped package of cheap steak(s)
1x box of condoms
Always wondered if it was a spontaneous date or some sort of treasure hunt.
Edited to add: It was nice to see them having fun and being safe together with no weird guilt or awkwardness.
Though the human species contains many commonalities, we’re not all wired the same, and not everyone wants to live the ‘Leave It To Beaver/Donna Reed’ archetype that’s so heavily promoted by society, even today.
Not to shirk any responsibility here, but what happened to the half dozen or so convenient, safe, reversible, reliable methods of male birth control that were three to five years away, like… fifteen years ago? Every last one of them fell through, really?
No. Because condoms are only around 80 something% effective in the real world they’re a piss poor thing to build public health policy around. And because they’re only 96% effective with perfect usage. Not a great, truly effective primary form of birth control on an individual basis, regardless of gender.
Apart from that. For dudes. Condoms are about as good as you can do. Your peak contribution is part of this complete breakfast. And that sucks.
I assume you guys are being a bit tongue in cheek. Choosing to be monogamous isn’t any more anti to those things, than those things are anti to monogamy. People can like vanilla with out interfering with others’ likes of strawberry.
(Are the people who are spouting off against poly or sex workers usually pushing monogamy? Yes, but the system is separate from the “puritans”.)
The “monogamy argument” being referred to is the earlier statement of “I also think the majority of humans are better served by having sex only within committed, monogamous relationships.”, not the very existence of monogamy. Sure, the one who originally posted that probably didn’t mean it to be an attack on poly people, but it’s still rather judgmental.
I saw that, and they were giving their opinion on what they thought worked best or “better served”. Certainly one can cite pros and cons for it. And what is best for one may not be best for another. It isn’t necessarily judgemental nor anti-something else.
The male birth control pill is still in phase II clinical trials (or recently passed—I can’t recall). Engineering a pill that effectively zeroes your testosterone while preserving androgenergic functioning has proven to be a major biological puzzle, but they think they’ve worked it out. Still, it’s not fast-tracked so yeah, it’s probably several years away.
The more exciting one I’ve read about is a ‘reversible vasectomy’, a technique whose research and realization was led by an Indian physician. It uses a polymer gel, injected into the vas deferens, whose polarity permanently borks any sperm passing through it. This treatment can be reversed with an injectable compound that unsets the polymer. From what I’ve read though, the treatment is currently being piloted only in India and only in very small trials.
It’s frustrating because yes, the onus shouldn’t entirely be on the impregnable partner when the two of you want to get your grind on completely bare without worrying about pregnancy. Polyisoprene condoms are great (better heat transfer than latex, more resilient than polyurethane) but, speaking as an unsterilized male, I really wish I had more options.
thats the one everyone seems to view as the more exciting one. And its a good idea.
Unfortunately thats the one that was first anounced by press release 15 years ago as “just around the corner”. Every 2 years or so it gets re-announced. But never seems to have made any progress. Its still the same 1 indian doctor, still doing the same early trials. And its never closer to publication or actual approval. And its still only being researched in India.
So something seems sketchy there. And I doubt we’ll ever see it. But its an idea some one should pick up and pursue properly.
Based on my reading of it the more recently developed pills seem more promising. From what i understand they don’t work on “zeroing out your testosterone” as that would be bad. But messing with sperm cells more directly. The complication being that with women you just need to interupt the release of, or damage. One or a few cells. With men you’re talking millions.
Early attempts at a male pill prevented ejaculation entirely, and were viewed as a failure based on what that meant for adoption and compliance. The recent pill that’s furthest along in trials apparently damages the sperm as its produced. Rendering in incapable of doing its business. I think it kills the tail end so they’re unable to reach the egg or make it through its cell wall.
Someone arbitrarily deciding to dictate that everyone ‘should be’ monogamous because it’s “what’s best” is what’s ‘anti.’
Everybody should get to choose for him or herself what kind of sexual lifestyle they want to have; and as long as all participants are consenting and of age, everyone else should respect that choice and just leave them to it.
Again, considering how much infidelity happens between supposedly committed couples, it seems pretty obvious that monogamy is not actually a good fit for “everyone.”
Me: Shit, look, the condom broke. Him: I know. Me: You knew it broke? When? Him: Maybe about half way through. Me: Why didn’t you tell me? We have more condoms. Him: It felt too good.
Obvs, not all men.™ Just a guy I thought respected me and had been seeing for well over a year.
I almost posted raise your hand if this sounds familiar to you.
FFS, most men can tell when a condom breaks. Not telling their partner or stopping to put on a new one is sexual assault, IMO.
Oh, yeah. We were in our late thirties. Some boys just never become responsible men.
