Eternal Dragon Guardian of Time demands Hot Topic employee's soul

Because not having a comment thread for this official BB post is basically a human right’s violation under the Geneva Conventions (or should be).

Joke’s on the Eternal Dragon Guardian of Time. Pretty sure Hot Topic requires you to leave your soul in the locker when you clock in. It’s for its own protection.


There is only one thing to do at a hot topic…


Well, I suppose the Guardian of Time probably should be Eternal.

I applaud this employee’s ability to play it straight. And I thought I had a couple good customer encounters (nothing like Hot Topic, tho).



Part One

Customer: They were able to resurrect my flesh, it’s healed. And it’s time for me to go home.

Cashier: Oh my god!

Customer: And I… my… e-they even told me my scales are turning gold as my father’s were. My father was a piece of creation itself. He was the protector of god himself.

Cashier: Well that’s good then.

Customer: That’s the thing, people damn power. It’s not evil it’s how you choose to use it.

Cashier: Oh yeah most definitely. That’s pretty much like how everything is.

Customer: But the dictation of true power is lost to this world. I’m returning home but I’m… going to come back. But I’m going to make it that no human is permitted to use power without sanction.

Cashier: Good!

Customer: You must give your soul to me.

Cashier: Oh my god!

Customer: I am the Sovereign of Power and I’m going to become what my father was before my birth: “Eternal Guardian Dragon of Time”.

Cashier: Oh wow!

Customer: My father gave up much of his power when I was born. Because she… (pause) h-he-his mate was Hecate (?), mother of angels. I was the only true born… My brethren. Even Lucifer down in the pit for his fucking retardation, he was my brother.

Cashier: Oh my goodness!

Customer: I am not a fallen. I am a lost. I fell to Earth from my own folly- not following that bastard.

Cashier: (exasperated exhale) Wow.

Customer: Honestly look into my eyes. Do I seem mad to you?

Cashier: Not really.

Customer: Most humans denounce anything that is outside their realm (of…)

Cashier: (finishes Customer’s sentence) Understanding.

Customer: But that is my dictation. I do not demand your soul as payment. It is moreso protection that if you abuse your power… then your soul is (was?) going to be bound. You keep your soul within your flesh but your soul will be bound never to touch power again. That is the dictation of the blood contract. I give you my blood, you give me… a piece of your soul. You do not lose your soul. I am not the father, I have no rights to your soul. But I do have rights to claim how you use my power. And that is the only reason I bind your soul like that.

Cashier: Oh yeah forreal… like… that makes sense.

Part Two

Customer: -ad (?) What would you describe me as?

Cashier: Honest in all honesty (clarification: he is describing the customer as honest)

Customer: Do I… sound like I’m actually from here?

Cashier: (pause) not really.

Customer: You are an enlightened soul (in the?) difference that most humans are forbidden to understand my kind. Dragons are meant to be damned.

Cashier: Ohmygod dragons are cool!

Customer: difference also…(probaby loses train of thought) What do you know of the old ways?

Cashier: (short pause) Like what?

Customer: The original old ways that of creation itself, the pure energy. Everything from you to this computer. Everything is a solidified energy of creation.

Cashier: Oh my goodness!

Customer: The difference is humans are bound and cannot touch it.

Cashier: Oh wow! (customer starts speaking over his oh wow then video cuts out).



I kinda want to go LARPing with this dude.

Anyway, obligs…



Over a video-conference.

From a different continent.

Using TOR.

Several times with several computers. And finally a pigeon typing out my responses so I don’t actually touch the keyboard.


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