Every fantasy map

I used to work in the Games Workshop HQ in Nottingham. Not as a designer or anything fancy, but I did used to help run UK tournaments and Games Day. I met Dan Abnett once, we played Inquisitor and discussed how Ravenor was more of a bastard than Eisenhorn. Cool as, if that’s your thing…

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My rolls are legendarily bad. In the previous campaign i crit failed an important role, which put me in the path of an angry bugbear while i was split from the party, i failed every subsequent roll to save my character on stealth checks, climbing a tree, a dex check when the bugbear toppled the tree, etc.

This past game i think i rolled over 10 once or twice during the course of 4 hours. Thankfully my character only crit failed a single roll and it wasn’t an important roll.

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I once had a Champions character called “Torque” who, among other things, could turn himself in a massive drill to get through barriers. How misconceived he was became apparent when I rolled a critical miss and he “torqued” himself right into the ground. There was a moment of silence and then one of my team members cocked his eyebrow and said “Impressive…”

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Lol sounds about right. My now deceased character at least went out in a bang after my terrible rolls. Literally. I had stolen a fire dagger from someone, as the tree the bugbear toppled over was on top of me i looked at the bugbear in the eye and told it to meet me in hell and i stabbed the tree on fire.

Cue a huge explosion the second i died, half vaporizing the bugbear in the process and almost burning the forest down. Unbeknownst to me the dagger was deadman switched to the wielder to explode into a lvl 9 fireball spell upon death.

After that i wasn’t too sad about losing my character lol. Though in-character i ended up in Valhalla and my guy was pretty pissed about it.

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“There are no smugglers in the marketplace” is a catchphrase in our gaming group after a terrible roll by me in a Legends of the five rings campaign.

We were in a Gurps campaign set in an intersteller empire and I experimented with a public affiars/propaganda officer from an authoritarian planet. I pretty much freaked out the rest of the characters when I said “Torturing children is usually a bad idea, they rarely know anything of value.”

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But then again, there’s always a chance they might know something

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Fantasy maps are fun, but ultimately useless - your players don’t get to look down at the world from lunar orbit. And since all plots have at most three locations, just eyeball travel time and fast forward to the Assault on Lord Grimwald’s Stronghold. Really, nobody wants to roleplay every gnome and kobold along the way. This, by the way, is also true in Traveller, except distances are a trillion times greater.

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Oh man, this is the perfect encapsulation of all cliches. Is it wrong that I kind of want to game in it?

No, they’re in there - “Lion Tribes” (which is easy to overlook because it’s tiny), and “Aztec Serpents” (and “Lost World Amazon Fever Jungle”), they’re just not even their own continents.

I’ve always liked generic RPGs for that reason - they’re entirely open to creating the world wholecloth. (The only problem being that it’s much harder to convey the tone and setting when you don’t have a bunch of pre-existing art and systems tailored to that specific world.) I don’t think I’ve ever played a game that used the default world setting, either.

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But where do I find the campaign modules?

The map needs a gazebo.

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They usually aren’t worth that much XP, either.

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I think that’s Seattle

ESUOH YM

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In a fantasy campaign the bard offers the children candy. (and the other players squirm in their chair) I hate bards.

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Or:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeon!

It also has Dragons…

And I see it’s been reworked by the Wizards…

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I once put together a mashup of Munchkin and Dungeon! The players had to enter an unexplored room on the map to draw a door card, and they could only interact if they were on the same dungeon level. It worked… OK.

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Every campaign module works with it. You just have to cross out the pre-printed names and sub in the names from the map.

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Beware the Hobgoblin Wastes and their dark citadel, Spokane.

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Not New Jersey?

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Seattlites don’t even know what a “New Jersey” is, unless it’s something you wear.


Penny Arcade: Spocairn

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