Fake Buddha Quotes collected

[teknocholer]

@Brainspore

Remember, you also gotta factor in past lives. Over a wide enough span of time you can quote anyone as having said anything.
—Buddha

Also, Buddha spirit resides in everyone, so the quote may not have come from the Buddha, but it definitely came from a Buddha.

[teknocholer]

@Vert

If someone misquotes Buddha, and no one hears it…

Then it makes a sound like one hand clapping.

[ficuswhisperer]

Forget misattributed quotes, most people can’t even seem to get the actual Buddha right (image not mine):

[teknocholer]

@Whim

As it happens, just before he died, George Carlin screamed every one of these aphorisms in an hour long outburst of suppressed smarm.

Which raises the related issue of completely false quotes made up to serve an agenda. Evangelical Christians are particularly fond of deathbed repentances and conversions.

[anon68939300]

Dude, there are lots of Buddhas:

List of the named Buddhas

When my kids were in preschool, they were friends with a kid whose first name was Buddha.

If people want to quote Buddha, they should specify which Buddha they are referring to.

[ficuswhisperer]

Hey, now I know how Jesus gets misattributed so often. They didn’t specify which Jesus it was.

[Ignatius]

I have a toy theory that all possible Jesuses exist but they are all morally fallible because they tolerate [specific-US-political-party-redacted] Jesus at the annual All Jesuses Convention.

[teknocholer]

@Chesterfield

Dude, there are lots of Buddhas:

@Ignatius

I have a toy theory that all possible Jesuses exist…

Whatever you do, don’t try to list them all.
http://downlode.org/Etext/nine_billion_names_of_god.html

[redesigned]

@Boundegar

It’s much harder to fake Bible quotes, just because there’s always one smartass who’s actually studied it and has to ruin everything.

All the fake Jesus quotes were already collected into a single book a while back. If I recall correctly it is called the new testament or something like that…

[redesigned]

@Chesterfield

Dude, there are lots of Buddhas:

Yep.

@beschizza

Fake Buddha Quotes abound.

That site and articles like this just further western misconceptions that largely stem from applying abrahamic concepts to a system that in no way resembles it.

There is only one Jesus so there must only be one Buddha right? WRONG.

There is a HUGE difference between “The Buddha” as in the historical figure Gautama Buddha, also known as Siddhārtha Gautama, or Shakyamuni Buddha and just “Buddha” as there are many many Buddha and we can all become Buddha. There are 27 named buddhas before “The Buddha” in the Pāli Canon. That is a small number compared to the number in Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism, not to mention bodhisattvas!

A Buddha is one who has attained Bodhi; and by Bodhi is meant wisdom, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection which can be achieved by man through purely human means. The term Buddha literally means enlightened one

The misunderstanding that Buddha is a single person, rather then what you call any person who reaches enlightenment, makes this entire rabbit hole an exercise in western misconceptions. But whatever…buddhists are pretty chill about stuff like that.

“Like me on Facebook Bro!” - Buddha

[TimmoWarner]

I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!

[redesigned]

@TimmoWarner

I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!

also comes in…

[ficuswhisperer]

@redesigned

But whatever…buddhists are pretty chill about stuff like that.

You don’t want to see an angry Buddhist. They will enlighten your face with their fists.

[Israel_B]

@Medievalist

It bears much meditation

Indeedidly

[Nonentity]

@teknocholer

Then it makes a sound like one hand clapping.

Whats the sound of one hand clapping?

[renke]

prove me wrong

[petzl]

Yeah, well, just remember that the highest form of Buddha is Not Buddha.

[SqualusAcanthias]

[jsroberts]

@teknocholer

All together now: Can you make me One with Everything?

Dalai Lama Joke FAIL Pizza Joke one with everything

@teknocholer

The average Westerner knows little about Buddhism except for a vague idea that it is about peace, humility, and simplicity, and these values resonate with many people. When they see a quote that seems to fit in with that philosophy, they find it inspiring and are predisposed to believe it is genuine.

That’s so Zen.

@teknocholer

Which raises the related issue of completely false quotes made up to serve an agenda. Evangelical Christians are particularly fond of deathbed repentances and conversions.

Mormons don’t even need that.

[jsroberts]

@Chesterfield

When my kids were in preschool, they were friends with a kid whose first name was Buddha.

I actually met a living Buddha once - she was a teenage girl in China who got fed up of that life and quit Buddhism. (I have no idea how authentic this claim was, I just know that this is how she was being raised until she got out and moved to our city).