Fake Buddha Quotes collected

Remember, you also gotta factor in past lives. Over a wide enough span of time you can quote anyone as having said anything.

—Buddha

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Next you’ll tell me that you have reservations about my inspirational story with the famous Buddhist who hears about the lilies of the field and concludes that whoever said that was the best Buddhist who ever buddhisted.

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The buddha floats if you throw him in a well.

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If someone misquotes Buddha, and no one hears it…

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Also, Buddha spirit resides in everyone, so the quote may not have come from the Buddha, but it definitely came from a Buddha.

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Then it makes a sound like one hand clapping.

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Forget misattributed quotes, most people can’t even seem to get the actual Buddha right (image not mine):

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Which raises the related issue of completely false quotes made up to serve an agenda. Evangelical Christians are particularly fond of deathbed repentances and conversions.

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Dude, there are lots of Buddhas:

When my kids were in preschool, they were friends with a kid whose first name was Buddha.

If people want to quote Buddha, they should specify which Buddha they are referring to.

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Hey, now I know how Jesus gets misattributed so often. They didn’t specify which Jesus it was.

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I have a toy theory that all possible Jesuses exist but they are all morally fallible because they tolerate [specific-US-political-party-redacted] Jesus at the annual All Jesuses Convention.

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Whatever you do, don’t try to list them all.
http://downlode.org/Etext/nine_billion_names_of_god.html

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All the fake Jesus quotes were already collected into a single book a while back. If I recall correctly it is called the new testament or something like that… :slight_smile:

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Yep.

That site and articles like this just further western misconceptions that largely stem from applying abrahamic concepts to a system that in no way resembles it.

There is only one Jesus so there must only be one Buddha right? WRONG.

There is a HUGE difference between “The Buddha” as in the historical figure Gautama Buddha, also known as Siddhārtha Gautama, or Shakyamuni Buddha and just “Buddha” as there are many many Buddha and we can all become Buddha. There are 27 named buddhas before “The Buddha” in the Pāli Canon. That is a small number compared to the number in Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhism, not to mention bodhisattvas!

The misunderstanding that Buddha is a single person, rather then what you call any person who reaches enlightenment, makes this entire rabbit hole an exercise in western misconceptions. But whatever…buddhists are pretty chill about stuff like that.

“Like me on Facebook Bro!” - Buddha

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I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!

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also comes in…

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You don’t want to see an angry Buddhist. They will enlighten your face with their fists.

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Indeedidly

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prove me wrong

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