Fake driveway spikes


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I just ordered some for our HOA, thanks BB!


Why why why didn’t I think of that ?!?!


People turn around in our driveway, and as long as they don’t drive all the way up to the house, it’s fine, whatever. But, I wish that the fucking cops would quit pulling people over into our driveway. One day, a copy told me to “take a lap” when I asked that they move so I could enter the property.

I have a lot of self control, so I smiled and drove off. Once I was far enough away, I yelled obscenities and flipped the bird. I might fantasize about putting these in the driveway, but I dislike conflict. So I won’t.

There is an old man up the road, who deals with the same thing. He has no fear, and is raising hell. I think he’d go with real spikes if he could.


Can these also be used on real driveways?


OK, so wait. If they see my car in the driveway, they are going to wonder how I got it there. The spikes don’t appear to have any kind of (faux) remote-controlled retracting mechanism, nor are they one-way like when you return a rental car at the airport. They look like they should be stopping all cars. I call “not thought all the way through”.

I say this having contemplated the “fake rubber or plastic bollard that looks like a stout steel post” but which gets mediocre reviews for being too stiff and developing creases that belie the bendy truth.


So, let me get this straight: it would be wrong to park a real, live metal car in the driveway to block turnarounds, but if i put a full-size inflatable joke car there it would be okay?

Does that work the same way with kids too?


Inflatable kids??


That’s assuming that a random passerby seeing these for the first time is going to spend time thinking about them and then bet their tires on that analysis. I could picture these being almost completely effective.


How easy are these to see in the dark?


I hesitate to mention this, expecting to see it as a clickbait BBstore post next week, but, yes, inflatable kids…

Even in the dark, who would run down kids with backpacks?


Good point. Indeed, real driveway spikes would probably need several highly-visible signs warning drivers, for the very reason that they are invisible at night. These are invisible at night, and don’t do anything anyway, so probably wouldn’t cause any concern to a driver besides “huh, what was that tiny bump?”


one could place an inflatable “danger mines” sign next to the fake spikes


An inflatable tank, inflatable trench with inflatable barbed wire, and a few inflatable bodies would certainly add to the effect, and may convince drivers to keep going a few more yards to the next turn-off…


Alibaba has a category for inflatable aircraft carriers.


With inflatable smoke and inflatable fire for added verisimilitude!

Note to self:

I have typed “pretransubstantiated” and “verisimilitude” within the past hour.

Today is a good day!


Who would run down Dora the Shouty Explorer and her shouty backpack? Parents.


You really think a passing motorist looking for a place to turn around is going to see the spikes, stop, inspect them thoroughly from 10-20 feet until 100% satisfied that they are neither retractable nor removable, and pull in? At night?

Of course not. They’re going to shrug and roll on to the next driveway.




Objection. Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • “Passing” motorist could be a neighbor who passes the location regularly.

  • Driveway could appear to be a shortcut or connecting passage, with spikes intended to prevent transit.

  • There may be no obvious “next” driveway.

  • Could be daytime.