Famously inebriated presidential advisor rapidly recants admission of guilt

Originally published at: Famously inebriated presidential advisor rapidly recants admission of guilt | Boing Boing

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“she was never present when I asked for a pardon.” […] “Actually, I told the President I did not want or need one.”

The comedy just writes itself.

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She’s lying when she says she knows I robbed the bank, because she wasn’t there when I did it! [rivulets of brown sweat running down my face]

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I think that’s an Albany expression. . .

hams

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It’s not necessarily that his pants are on fire, but they do need to be buttoned up.

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Noted legal theorist Giuliani here presents us with a fine example of argument in the alternative. “I didn’t plot a coup! But if I did, it wasn’t a coup. But if it was, it was legal. But if it wasn’t, I had reason to believe it wasn’t and therefore no mens rea. But if I didn’t, I was drunk. But if that’s not exculpatory, there’s no corroborating evidence that I knew I was breaking the law. But if there is, nobody saw me do it. But if someone did, they weren’t even there when I did it!”

Lesser minds might note that this kind of argument is more commonly reserved for appeals, rather than presented in the form of self-incriminating statements before trial, but then few have Rudy’s particular skills as an advocate.

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I’m surprised that he’s out of the hospital so quickly.

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Rudy, “The witness was not present when I stopped beating my wife!”

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(because he didn’t ask… he groveled)

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It turns out that it’s just a short step from America’s Mayor to America’s Town Drunk.

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Otis is out of a job. :worried:
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