Father unhappy about middle-school sex-ed poster

Part of me wonders uncharitably if their mother is indifferent to the possibility of the daughter being beaten by a horny 15 year old boyfriend or “slut shamed” into suicide?

I think I’ve seen a lot more mothers than fathers go down the mental rabbit hole when their daughter matures. heck it’s even a standard dramatic trope:

Carrie:
http://flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/carrie1.jpg?w=600&h=428

Mommie Dearest:
http://flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/mommiedearest.jpg?w=600&h=481

Wild At Heart:
http://flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/wild.jpg?w=600&h=321

Well in this case I never actually experienced a good sex ed teacher, because besides the curriculum, twice-annual “workshops,” and that gender studies class you never paid attention in, there is no training whatsoever. Sex ed is probably best done by enlisting the help of local clinics, who are usually happy to come in and give some lessons as well as run training sessions so that students can help educate their peers. That’s expecting you have local teen clinics, though.

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God forbid our children know about… sex!

Seriously. The biggest reason for sexual assault, teen pregnancy, the spread of STDs, all those nasty things you hear about high school is that often kids don’t know what they’re doing. They don’t know what it means to consent or why it’s so important, they don’t know where to get protection or what protection exists, they don’t know you can get sick. When your only reference material is porn, because your class never decided to talk about sexuality, you’re going to end up with a pretty skewed idea of how to have a healthy sexual relationship.

(Don’t get me wrong, porn is fine, but with the state of mainstream porn I would not be comfortable with it being my kid’s only reference material.)

The reality is that young people have sex. You can’t suppress information and expect they won’t do that. Knowledge is the only key to doing it safely, making informed decisions, and the sooner they have that knowledge, the better.

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I think the options shown on the paper are not irrelevant to this kind of class, but I would say that anything like this should have a relatively minor role. I would put far more emphasis on things like relationship counselling - whatever the merits of porn are, it is often a very poor model of a healthy sexual relationship. There doesn’t need to be any endorsement of marriage, but it’s a good idea to help people to deal with conflict and keep a relationship healthy, or to give people the tools to know what they want from a relationship and how to work out early on when they’re in an unhealthy one. Relationships start and end and they aren’t all for life, but they shouldn’t have to turn sour or end due to silly misunderstandings, and people shouldn’t be abused because their partner thinks that what they are doing is normal. I’m not sure what benefit knowing different sexual positions will have in the long term (as this is stuff that people will learn about with or without a teacher), but it is important to know what you should expect from and give to a relationship and what the consequences of your actions are.

Of course, it’s very difficult to tell how the class itself was taught without any context. I couldn’t find anything definite about the specific curriculum that is used in the school, but these are the seven basic topics in the national standards for K-12 education (from this page):

Anatomy and Physiology (AP) provides a foundation for understanding basic human functioning.

Puberty and Adolescent Development (PD) addresses a pivotal milestone for every person that has an impact on physical, social and emotional development.

Identity (ID) addresses several fundamental aspects of people’s understanding of who they are.

Pregnancy and Reproduction (PR) addresses information about how pregnancy happens and decision-making to avoid a pregnancy.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases and HIV (SH) provides both content and skills for understanding and avoiding STDs and HIV, including how they are transmitted, their signs and symptoms and testing and treatment.

Healthy Relationships (HR) offers guidance to students on how to successfully navigate changing relationships among family, peers and partners. Special emphasis is given in the National Sexuality Education Standards to the increasing use and impact of technology within relationships.

Personal Safety (PS) emphasizes the need for a growing awareness, creation and maintenance of safe school environments for all students.

As someone who was excluded from sex ed classes as a matter of principle (these were secular perspectives and therefore not appropriate - not that I did get any guidance from more appropriate sources), a class that used these principles would have been useful (the UK version isn’t all that different). It is interesting to note that specific expressions of sexuality aren’t considered essential in either curriculum/standard though, and I would feel more comfortable if that was reflected in the classes themselves. I do suspect that the unhappiness/uproar/fury is more of a storm in a teacup and doesn’t really reflect the content of the class itself.

That’s what she said… ?

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I dunno…anal sex has been documented throughout human history and IIRC, there is some pictorial representation of it from prehistory. In addition, the human anus is more hardy and resilient than the requirements of mere defecation (same for some non-human species) - this might indicate evolutionary evidence for anal sex.

Whether we like to acknowledge it or not – the anus, rectum and the area around them are erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and all of that. I’m ambivalent about the necessity of the poster being presented in such a manner to this age group in terms of class room management (I’m not offended etc - it is age appropriate IMHO.)

The anal entry absolutely belongs on the list of such a poster…but maybe with middle-schoolers – less is more 'cause kids that age are dicks - taking any oppo to be dicks. This poster is unambiguously appropriate for high-schoolers and especially for post-docs however.

On the other hand, I don’t see any reason to mention to mention the other stuff listed on the poster, like fistulas, Rush Limbaugh and other deviant cavities and practices.

(Edit - I just re-read the verbiage posted on the school wall referenced here- I see there’s no fistulas or Rush Limbaugh or other deviant cavities and practices on the leaflet – I see I got confused when reading another post)

  • Please note – I haven’t included references 'cause this is a comment to a blog post and I don’t wish to take the time to find the ones that actually exist, and I think they do…

As i told my daughter, anal sex can tear the ligament that anchors the anus to the pelvis, leading to all sorts of socially awkward problems.

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Actually, yes, that does sound like a good idea. At the start of puberty, boys and girls are (naturally enough) curious about sex. What does it feel like? Why is it such a big deal? We, though not always they, know they aren’t emotionally ready to deal with the consequences of sex, or the interpersonal and emotional connections it involves, but at the very least we can eliminate the “let’s just try it to see” aspect for some kids. Maybe you don’t realize this, but many kids in that age group opt to have sex, or make DIY sex toys, often unsafely, just out of curiosity. If nothing else, we should be directing them to sites like http://www.jackinworld.com/ and all the other actually-valid-and-useful info sources out there, because otherwise they’ll get their information from porn and from classmates as clueless as they are.

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Yes…I understand more so for girls & women – and should be emphasized in sex-ed…and by parents, pediatricians and similar people.

( Ser Sturges…what you describe with the ligaments…anchors and the pelvis…gahhhhhh!!! )

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… Weell, old Doc Scranton walks by, a good
old boy too, there’s not a finer man in this valley than
Doc Scranton. He’s got a prolapsed asshole and when
he wants to get screwed he’ll pass you his ass on three
feet of in-tes-tine…
-Naked Lunch

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I forgive your blasphemy. Please let me explain.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, and here we all are. The bums will always lose…tied the room together. Hamlet, irony, conviction, what a piece of work we are and etcetera. My Bonnie lies over the Ocean, my Bonnie lies over the Sea; my Bonnie has Tuberculosis, bring back my Bonnie to me, to me.

If God didn’t want us to stick things up our ass, he would’ve given the anus a gag reflex.

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If God wanted us to stick things up our ass, he wouldn’t have given us anal warts.

Not that I have anal warts, but if you’re curious about the topic, google some images.

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Yep - mine liked it, too.

Not sure that started out as a joke, though. (I mean to actual Southern Baptists.) I’ve read actual records of congregation members getting dragged in front of the local committee over doing things that “resembled dancing”. Cray, huh? But true story…

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Got any 13 year-olds? No? didn’t think so. At that age, they used to be just getting the menstrual lecture - no actual sec ed as to how or why it worked that way, really. And could barely handle that much 411. It definitely needed some improvements, but this? Physical functioning may be age-related, but ability to comprehend all the information attached to it often just isn’t there yet.

Look - at that age, they need to understand that sex exists, and a little of how it works so they can understand why it’s important, sure. But…I’m pretty sure a list of what is allowed is sufficient. Anything else? Off the menu. And that exact selection is the parents’ job. So, yeah - I’d raise hell about this one, myself.

Ohhhh, but wait! The school has thoughtfully provided the full menu after all! Lovely.

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No, I have no kids. I’m not sure what you mean by “used to be,” but all of these things were covered by my 7th grade health class in the mid 90’s, and there were kids (not me, I was a late bloomer by choice) in that class that had engaged in each and every one of the acts listed on this sheet of paper, some of them 2-3 years prior. Kids that young should not be having sex, full stop. But they do. They have for at least 10,000 years, and no amount of parental hand-wringing has ever stopped it. And if you attempt to leave education to the parents, most won’t bother out of anxiety, embarrassment, or not knowing enough themselves to be accurate and mature about it ('twas ever thus). And kids are more likely to listen if they hear the facts from multiple sources, anyway. They’ve definitely got multiple sources pushing them in the other direction.

Maybe you just want to remove oral and anal sex from the list (these seem likely to be the most problematic for many)? Guess what, you’ve just excluded all the gay students. You didn’t have openly gay students in your middle school? I did. And others we all had guessed that didn’t realize or admit it until much later. But lack of understanding of the risks and safe practices for these kinds of sex causes serious harm every day to straight and gay students alike.

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Bust a nut wasn’t included? I’m outraged!

Not at all. Thing is, I don’t care to have YOU decided what my kids’ sex education shall be, at all. Not because you don’t make some valid points there, and not even because we don’t probably agree at certain points - but because that’s not your job, and the points where we disagree are not yours to blow through just because you think it’s a swell idea. It’s simply not your call to make - even where we agree. I don’t get to tell you how to raise your kids, and vice versa.

What happened was that the school systems, which had exactly zero experience at teaching these course, because it had not been done before, had to design those courses pretty much out of thin air. (And my go at the old-style menstrual lectures was in the 60’s, so I was already long since a parent when you took those classes.) I remember all the arguments very well, since I had kids to be concerned about. They wondered and argued constantly about how far to go with it. The drivers for all that? Really, much less teen pregnancy than AIDS. (I went to a school called The Maternity Ward, and friends went to one called Herpes High. So. It’s not because I’m coming from a particular uptight place - actually, quite the opposite.) It’s not like we didn’t know, or weren’t active - but it was sstd’sthat was driving a lot more of it. Nobody knew how to cure AIDS or even herpes/

My position then was, and remains - far enough to let a kid open a dialog with their parents or head for a library if they want to know more. (And the library is what most of us did then, because…parents, ewwww!)

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They’re all mistakes, children. Filthy, nasty things, glad I never was one; and hu-mons.

I have strongly ambiguous feelings about the idea of ‘my kids; my say-so’. On one hand, I want the freedom to provide the children in my care with different input than the status quo (for instance; allowing them to opt out of saying the pledge of allegiance if they don’t want to). But on the other hand, I also think children are autonomous human beings and society does have a responsibility to temper whatever kids are getting at home. Like you can’t forbid your daughters from going to school, even if you have strong religious convictions against females being outside the home. My gut instinct is that sex-ed (by adults bureaucrats who are always, always going to be way more milquetoast than what kids hear around from each other) is more along the lines of guaranteeing them an education even when their families may not want that. FWIW I’m an elementary teacher and coparent of a (nearly) 13 year old.

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