Finland N'existe Pas

Don’t get me started on that one. Inverted seasons, coriolis effects, lethal fauna, giant friggin’ rock in the middle of the desert. Who put it there? How? Why?

The whole concept is such blatant conspiracy-bait I wonder if they made it that way as a sort of of reverse-psychology alibi.


Minnesota is literally Finnish for “Where war [went]”. So I’m just gonna believe you made that name up,

Oh yeah, sauna and a dip in a frozen lake… now that’s living!
I’ve been around reindeer, but haven’t really “done” anything with them. But have certainly ridden horses, as well.

Also, ice fishing… I’ve seen in movies that Americans do this is tiny cottages in the middle of lakes like little pussies. This is how you do it:

This also works:

This is also a thing…


Sweetheart, you already said it was around 0C today – that’s SPRING WEATHER in ice-fishing country.

The ice-houses are because it’s usually about -30 below in January before the windchill is applied. And really, is that guy gonna sit on that bucket all night and drink beer? No, he is not. He is woefully unprepared for a week on the lake.


Wait. You don’t stay on the lake all week?

What are you – a resident of a fictional made-up country??!!?!

N.B.: I don’t personally ice-fish because: seriously, a week on a lake drinking beer and pissing in bucket? Do I look like a f*****g scandahoovian?!?!?


This is one of the ways they ice fish in Minnesota:

This is another way:

But, yes, there is also this way:

For that last pic, we call it “ice fishing [wink, wink].” They’ll auger a couple holes, set up a couple tip-ups, then head right back into the shanty for a few dozen more beers.

[edit] @OtherMichael - It’s super mild here in SE Michigan today. The temperature’s a balmy -2C. It’s not even going to be the normal -13C at night until Sunday night after is snows.

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Bah, we take that -30C with the windchill and sit there on the ice like real women. Except not for a whole week cause it’s not a goddamn vacation, it’s just going to the lake next to you to ice fish. It’s called a hobby, not an extreme sport.

This, from the “country” that consumes its drugs via reindeer-piss.


It gives us magical powers you couldn’t even dream of. But now you’re getting too close the to the truth.


It’s all Sweden’s fault that we are even being doubted… Here is the truth about Sweden:

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I’ll utter “Slaarvita” when I’m grossed out by crap. My mother swears it’s a Swedish word that’s roughly equivalent to “disgusting” or “slovenly”. But every time I’ve asked a native Swede if they recognize the word, they don’t.

My mother is third generation Swedish, so I suspect it’s just a made up Swedish-sounding word. She also claims “Roosk” is Swedish for “debris” or “junk”, like the dead leaves that blow in through the front door on a windy day.

ETA: Just realized… Slaarvita might be a bastardization of slå fitta, which would mean something like “beat pussy”

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There actually IS a Swedish word “rosk”, which means “rubbish”, but I think it’s a Swedish-Finnish word (you know, those crazy people in south-west Finland who speak a weird blend of both languages, it’s like a weird dialect of Swedish with Finnish words). There’s also a very similiar word in Finnish, “roska”, which might be its origin and not Swedish.

I can speak a little Swedish, since it’s the second official language of Finland.


Oh and that sounds like “slarvig”, which really does mean “untidy”, “messy” or “slovenly”. Maybe native speakers haven’t recognized the word because your pronunciation has changed over time to something weird.

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Yes. I remember distinctly when I was a kid, my mother would walk into my room, and seeing all my clothes dragged out of the drawers, and piled up on the floor, she’d exclaim “Greesoonga! You slaarvita boy, clean up all this roosk before you step on a lego!”

I forgot, she also says “Greesoonga!” which is supposed to mean “disgusting”. I think that one may also be another bastardization passed from her grandparents to her when she was maybe 5 years old.

She was pretty young when the native speaking grandparents died, so I’m thinking the reason why native swedes seem to understand these words is because they might be very “baby-ish” pronunciation. Like in Japanese where the Chan honorific is sometimes replaced with Tan in moe character names.

Fun note, one of my mom’s grandfathers was actually Norwegian, and the Swedish 3/4 of the family really disliked him. It was apparently quite the scandal, like a black guy marrying a white girl in Alabama in the 1940s kind of scandal. I wouldn’t be surprised if he taught my mom “slå fitta” just to troll the Swedes XD

By all accounts he had a chip on his shoulder and felt that the swedes were always looking down on him.




I’ll tell you what’s even more hippie-ish. We have these things called (literally) “every man’s rights”, which means that all land, no matter who it belongs to, is free for your to traverse. You also have the right to pick berries, mushrooms, fish (to a certain extent without a permit), camp, make a fire and so on. As long as you don’t cause damage to nature, you can go anywhere.

Because sharing is caring. Now come and join me in a communist hug! :couple_with_heart:


Ya see, This is why Finland is the happiest place on earth. Talk about freedom.

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Our troubadors have dreamed of such places

As I went walking I saw a sign there 
And on the sign it said "No Trespassing." 

But on the other side it didn't say nothing, 
That side was made for you and me.

Woody Guthrie was such a red.

Maybe Finland exists, you just wouldn’t know it because there are no obvious signs.


The conspiracy grows and grows.


The CEO of my former company was Norwegian and went on a 10 minute rant when I said that I thought he was Swedish.


One of the few things that Swedes and Norwegians can agree on is the fact that Finlander jokes are funny, e.g. Aino/Oivo/Eino and Toivo jokes.
They also think that Ole and Lena jokes are funny, but if a swede tells the joke Ole & Lena are Norwegian and vice versa if a Norwegian tells them.


The Finns tendency to organize almost got them banned from emigrating to the US… When the Chinese Exclusion Act was enacted, some people (Timber/Mining interests) lobbied to get Finns classified as Asians because they tended to fight for fair labor practices.

This story mentions it: MPR: Finland Was a Poor Country

Edit: Wherever there were concentrations of Finns, there were a lot of Cooperatives – even the telephone companies in small towns were sometimes run by a Co-op.