Flatware for germophobes

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/11/18/flatware-for-germophobes.html

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For some reason, these leave me with a feeling of neck strain.

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I have a good alternative. Don’t be a damn heathen and place your utensils leaning on the edge of the plate when not in use. And if you haven’t used them they should be placed on a clean napkin.

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Just hold them over the dinner table candle before each bite.

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Those need silver plating for extra germ protection.

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Unless you’ve got an autoimmune disease, there’s no excuse for this other than extreme neurosis.

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That has never kept people from buying antibacterial soap and crap like that.

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There’s a problem. The handles are still touching the table so your hands will get dirty. And when your hands get dirty, everything gets dirty.

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WTF? Because everything that lands on the upper (food-carrying!) surface is perfectly fine?

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Gotta read the fine print:
For advanced sword-swallowers only.
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Someday, people of the future will look back on our slothful coddling of our immune systems, our shabby under-nourshing of our microbiomes, and our wholesale plunge into immune system disorders… And say, “Well, at least they elected Trump.”

Wait, that absolutely wasn’t what I planned to put there.

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So is that a very light tomato or a very heavy fork? It seems to be ignoring gravitational issues.

(Or more likely someone/thing is holding the out of frame end if the fork)

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germophobes? i know a dope spoon when i see one!

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The human body contains trillions of microorganisms — outnumbering human cells by 10 to 1. Because of their small size, however, microorganisms make up only about 1 to 3 percent of the body’s mass (in a 200-pound adult, that’s 2 to 6 pounds of bacteria)…

“NIH Human Microbiome Project defines normal bacterial makeup of the body”

Emphasis mine. Now I shall sit back and watch the germophobic bendy flatware people try to avoid contact with themselves.

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We keep our finger bowls full of isopropyl alcohol.

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Clorox’s the bomb. Whitens your teeth at the same time.

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I can’t wait to see the forks designed to dodge airborne yeasts and viruses.

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Just buy a bubble and be done with it.

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Remember that fork bends back down to touch the table again at the end we can’t see. You aren’t looking at a balance point in the photo.