Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/05/23/florida-man-er-priest-did-not-want-a-church-goer-to-receive-communion-so-he-bit-her.html
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No cookie for inFidel!
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I’m pretty sure “Take, eat, this is my body” is the priest’s line, not the congregant.
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In our parochial school was this student-shared myth: There once was a communicant who, after receiving the host, did not swallow it but, immediately after leaving the church, removed it from his mouth so he could examine it. The host began to bleed blood in copious amounts and would not stop until he went back into the church and swallowed the host. Catholic school was pretty weird at times.
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However, a Eucharistic miracle more commonly reported is that of the Bleeding Host, where blood starts to trickle from a consecrated host, the bread consecrated during Mass.
Our communicant was taught the errors of his ways, and was brought back to Christ. It’s a bleedin’ miracle.
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Oh, no! The Body of Christ would never cause communicants to harm themselves by causing them to accidently bite their tongues! The blood must have come from… the host! A miracle!
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It’s Florida and no shots were fired. Sounds like a good day.
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Your penance is 40 Hail Mary’s , ten Our Fathers and 2 years in the penitentiary.
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So did she become a wer-priest (wyf-priest?) from the bite?
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She roams the riverside every full moon and baptizes unlucky joggers (to death).
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If it really is the body of Christ, wouldn’t you be surprised if it didn’t bleed?
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and to think that the MOST crazy part of this is that these people sincerely believe that’s the actual flesh of a jewish radical that’s been dead for 2000 years.
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I’d ask “Who are these people?” but Catholic priests are practicing “transubstantiation” which, according to the Holy See, literally turns a wafer into the body of Christ. I’d say “You can’t make this stuff up” but there’s an article on the web about “de-substantiation?” that basically explains Jesus only exists in the wafer for 15 minutes. Which, it would seem, addresses the difficult problem of any part of a digested Jesus ending up in the flusher later. Barring anybody who can’t keep the blood of Jesus down, I mean.
I am totally going to hell, me.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Why is there body cam footage of communion being celebrated in the first place?
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I hit refresh on my browser and this was still all in Florida.
Floridians, you should stop imitating Carl Hiaasen novels and live your own life.
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Paniety: the quality or state of being bread
Parishioner: a member or inhabitant of a parish
Seems like an easy mistake to make, especially in the intersection of the Venn diagram of Florida and Catholicism.
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I would have assumed Christ can protect his own body. But what do I know?
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I don’t have a high opinion of organized religion or the priesthood, but this is still wild. Is there some environmental factor in the sunshine state that science hasn’t yet discovered? Because it seems to continually produce Florida Men™ the way Gotham City churns out supervillains.
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