Communion wafers in Lunchables form


“Our Jesus blood tastes way better then the leading brand according to 9 out of 10 old church ladies.”

“Your messiah, now in convenient disposable packaging! *Note: please use messiah before the date on package otherwise discard”

“Now available in gluten free messiah and less filling sugar free Jesus lite options…”

Remember…Don’t fill up on Jesus’ body and blood or you’ll ruin your appetite for brunch after the service!

*Note: the plastic used in our packaging is definitely not made from dinosaur/ancient fern based petroleum…


But what if I want a cut down Catholic wafer? In my experience they’re much tastier.


Gonna guess this is a protestant thing. These simply aren’t compatible with a Catholic or Orthodox liturgy.


Catholicism is really specific on the details of what can and can’t be used for Communion and I’m not sure these Sacra-munchables would cut it with the Vatican.

Edit: And just a thought, but I reckon those guys in Oklahoma could use a few of these for their next picnic.


It wouldn’t be strictly speaking limited to the Catholic and Orthodox either. A lot of your Episcopalian/Anglican congregations/bodies roll with the Catholic supplies and rules. And some of your liberal mainline Protestant churches follow suit cause they likes what they see. My Episcopalian church growing up got its wafers and wine from a very specific convent that had sort of adopted us. Not sure where they procured it from (definitely didn’t make it). But I’m reasonably sure we had the classiest host in town. Even the Catholic Church we went to with the other side of the family once a month had vastly inferior Christ crackers. Wine was pretty shit though.

As an added bonus that same convent also sent us all their nuns who’d retired their vows. And a few active ones to keep an eye on us all. Angriest nuns I’ve ever met.


Factory blessed?


As a born-again atheist, I can find little to fault here: it’s sanitary, scalable, and likely very profitable for the business owners. In short: I wish I had thought of it first.


wafer industrial complex?


“Fits into a standard Communion Tray!”

I’m trying to follow the topic, but I’m having trouble finding the ISO standard for this item.


Can I get fries with that?


Is nothing sacred anymore?


Man… Can you imagine how much easier running logistics for the Crusades would have been if Savior Ready to Transubstantiate (SRT) options had been available for units operating without the benefits of robust spiritual supply lines?

Truly, an opportunity missed.


Blessings have historically been odd things.

I imagine there are examples of entire warehouses of goods being blessed all in one go, and no one having much of a problem with it - particularly in various mercantile nations throughout time, such as Venice during the later Crusades and whatnot. How better to score diplomatically vital points with the Pope (aside from sending troops yourself) than to supply his volunteer armies in the Levant with blessed food and drink?

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If it is then my black mass just got way easier.


It’s just wine. There’s this thing called “transubstantiation”, wherein special Jesus Voodoo magically turns the wine and bread into blood and flesh as you consume it - not before.

That or it’s a metaphor, like 95% of the Bible is if you pay attention.

Of course, the Church, in its wisdom, has long claimed it is a literal miraculous transformation - and certainly not just a metaphor. Not sure on if the Vatican still officially feels that way to this very day, but the point stands.


Yes, of course. It is kind of a big deal.


Well, they slowly chip away here and there. They got rid of Purgatory as an actual place not that long ago - and that’s not even demonstrably disproveable.

I’m not Catholic, so I don’t keep track of what particular details they still cling to, and which they’ve relaxed their stance on. There are just so darn many little facets of doctrine and belief to wrap your head around, and half of them aren’t even really followed by much of the ostensibly Catholic leity anyway.

The beliefs of the “organized” portion of the religion have changed so much over the centuries. If you put a modern Christian together in a room with one from the early years of the religion (and a translator, I suppose), I’d wager good money on them very rapidly astounding each other with the differences in what they believe - to say nothing of things like disagreements on things like the validity of various texts.

My point is that religion is not absolute, and the Catholic Church in particular has changed their tune a great many times on a great many matters. So forgive me for my uncertainty on the matter of transubstantiation specifically. :wink:


It’s wine. Not juice. No one livens up a party by bringing out the good grape juice.

Yeah. I have a problem with people that pretend that alcohol is bad, and yet continue to eat meat. (Romans 14:14-21)


Actually it is just really sh*tty grape juice and a crap bit of cracker.

If it were actual wine it would be a better product and probably have a cross market with college frat houses…who’s down for wine shots and munchies?

Good thing too, because likely they couldn’t sell it if it -actually- contained human flesh and blood. Doubt that would fly with the FDA. :slight_smile:

I poke fun simply because it is begging to be poked fun at.

In my opinion, the best thing about the “Last Supper” from which this practice originated, was that many years later the idea of it inspired a rather cool painting by a guy whom was pretty neat and forward thinking, he also did a lot of other nifty stuff too and had a few ideas that weren’t too shabby. Now that I look closely it is amazing how far ahead of his time that guy really was.