Footballer Adrian Peterson barred from playing


#1

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#2

Cult adherents wail and gnash their teeth as their own fantastical dioceses must now be reshuffled. One was heard to lament “if only he didn’t abuse children, then my fantasy team would’ve been unstoppable”


#3

What’s next, every other cult adherent beating their children in order to collect multi-millions without having to do the ceremonies?


#4

I thought the handegg was made of pighide?


#5

Off topic, but fun fact, football is called football because it is played on foot, as opposed to on horseback. American football played on horseback would also be a pretty amazing game, though. I for one would like to see horseball played more frequently.

Second fun fact, “soccer” is an english term. They only adopted the modern use of “football” in the 1960s.


#6

Horseball seems horrific to my mind. It’s not like horses have the ability to consent to the risk of ACL tears and repeated traumatic brain injuries. If the players must be mounted, I’d rather see them on segways. Or if those aren’t fast enough, motor scooters would seem to be a reasonable choice.


#7

And therefore awesome. I want to see a quarterback sack with horses - what are the odds of survival?


#8

From Wikipedia: “The rules of association football were codified in England by the Football Association in 1863 and the name association football was coined to distinguish the game from the other forms of football played at the time, specifically rugby football.” So, I think the use of “football” to mean the game Americans and some others call soccer originated in the 1860s, not 1960s, and predates the term “soccer”.


#9

He smoked big cigars, wore outlandish suits, ran marathons and raised
millions for charity. In recognition of his good work, he was knighted
by the queen. Arise Sir Jimmy Savile.

For it turns out that Uncle Jim was very likely a sexual pervert – a
man who systematically sought out young girls and abused them over
decades, all while hiding under the guise of being one of the biggest
and nicest celebrities in the country.

Everyone knew about it … and nobody cared.
But if you play American style football… watch out!
The Progressives are out to destroy your career.

Find a new axe to grind!


#10

You have uncovered a cell of heretics! Praise be to the I-Formation!


#11

Yet, descriptively, it makes more sense:


#12

If we want accurate descriptions it would be wind sprints and armored tubbos.


#13

Yes, the term football predates the term soccer. I was merely saying that the british also called soccer soccer, until they found out the americans were also calling it soccer, then they started calling it football.


#14

If we are being pedantic, soccer should be called “no-arm-sphere”, and football should be called “mostly-hand-sometimes-foot-prolate-spheroid”.


#15

You may be as pedantic as you care to be, I was heading more toward irreverent to match Mark’s tone.

Besides, your suggested replacement names take too long to say. :wink:


#16

That’s absurd. Have you ever tried controlling a horse around a bunch of other twitchy horses? The False Start/Offsides penalties would be atrocious!


#17

Your solution lies within.


#18

With no opposable thumbs, holding would be less of an issue, though.


#19

Are you sure it’s just the Progressives that -don’t- want perpetrators of domestic violence as role models?


#20

Screw motor scooters. Miniature motorcycles!