Fraudster Jim Bakker is selling $1,000 "Miracle Blankets" that will pay your mortgage for you

Originally published at: Fraudster Jim Bakker is selling $1,000 "Miracle Blankets" that will pay your mortgage for you | Boing Boing

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Clearly I’ve been misunderstanding the meaning of the term “Blanket Mortgage” all this time.

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Well, they’ll pay for his mortgage.

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Unfortunately, this con artist phrases his “magic blanket” grift carefully so he can’t end up in prison. Again.

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Why does the Kingdom of God need $1000?

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To go legit, all he has to do is change his pitch just a little: “Please send me money. $1000 will help me, $5000 will help me more, but even sending me $20 will help me a little bit. As a bonus, here’s a picture of a miracle blanket; if you send me money, it’s proof of a miracle coming true.”

Just think of how much extra money he’d get if he didn’t have to pay for those crappy blankets and trinkets, and all the shipping fees. Plus, the reduction in waste and pollution is nothing to scoff at. And no risk of fraud! He’s promising nothing and delivering nothing. That’s clearly not fraud.

I doubt it would make much difference to the people he’s currently defrauding.

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The Loch Ness Monster only needed two-fiddy. God must be much more needy

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For a donation of $1,000, Jim Bakker will send you two books, a CD, a DVD, plus a miracle blanket

That’s a terrible deal!

In the 90’s Robert Tilton would send you Miracle Anointing Rings, Oils, and Cloths. Multiple paperback books, and posters that you were supposed to run string through. All you had to do was call his show and give them your address, you didn’t have to give him any money.

It was a blast, 6-8 times a year getting a large overstuffed envelope of insane Robert Tilton crap.

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If you do go to joanhunter dot org (the URL tackily printed on the blanket), you can get the Miracles Happen blanket for 90% off!

I wonder if that rankles Joan Hunter: “Here I am short-conning them for a paltry hundred, and then Bakker comes in and sucks them dry, using my own product!”

And the grifts keep comin’! Going through a transaction on the joan hunter site, when you actually try to buy something:
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So, when your mouse innocently hovers over the “Proceed To Checkout” box, that box changes to a surprise dialog-disguised-as-a-button (one that you might easily just click YES to). But if you did, you’d add an extra “rounding up donation” (to nearest $5.00) to your bill. This is almost as bad as Trump’s donation page.

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Thanks! Almost dropped the full grand on it! Would have felt really stupid. Now I can get 10

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Nessie didn’t have a scammer gathering up most of the take.

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I think we lost something, as a society, when we stopped tarring and feathering con-men and dropping them into the nearest well.

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Thanks, Jim - but I get my magic blankets at the BoingBoingStore.

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Or, maybe you could use that $1,000 to “heal your bills” instead of sending it off to Jim Bakker’s trust fund for future hookers and blow? Just a thought.

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Jesus Christ, and all subsidiaries, are incorporated in the tax haven of the Bahamas. No refunds for those who misread haven as heaven. All donations are final.

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It’s funny, because if the people they’re scamming actually read the bible, they’d know that buying blankets doesn’t get you there. Maybe it’s just a test to see if you’ve been paying attention in Sunday school.

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if you put the invoice for the miracle blanket under the miracle blanket, does it pay for itself?

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Praise be!

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