Fuck Today (Part 1)

[onemanmob]

@jsroberts

Often I just get exhaustion mixed with a feeling that there’s not much of me left - my personality can change so much depending on my medicine dosage or just throughout the day that just trying to be normal or consistent tires me out. I have very little confidence in anything I think or say and it’s like everything that used to be normal is under question and no longer automatic. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does get very tiring and mess with your confidence.

Dammit. This is what I experience too. The feeling of being spread too thin or a walking husk of a person seems to add to the exhaustion.

[anon50609448]

@onemanmob

Dammit. This is what I experience too. The feeling of being spread too thin or a walking husk of a person seems to add to the exhaustion.

You guys on medication has remarkably similar features to me off medication. Do medications just swap one mental illness for another?

ETA: This reminds me of a Jon Stewart bit about a drag that helped “Restless Leg Syndrome” but has “Compulsive Gambling” as a possible side effect.

[onemanmob]

@anon50609448

You guys on medication has remarkably similar features to me off medication. Do medications just swap one mental illness for another?

I still feel like that off medication, its just my thought process feels more fuzzy (or foggy). I tend to compare it to swinging wires that sometimes make a connection. The worst is the feeling of having an empty void in the middle of my brain.

[onemanmob]

current mood:

[XantheStone]

She’s doing a lot better now, but we had some rough nights while she was in the worst of it.

[jsroberts]

I don’t know if this makes any sense, but pretty much any good habits I had before the medication stopped. Physical exercise, language learning, study, even phoning my parents. It’s not like there’s anything physical stopping you, but all of the routine and internal motivation I built up disappeared. Partly because I wanted to work with my ADHD rather than medicate myself, most benefits seem to be for other people - in theory I can do more work and be more responsive with people now, but it’s just not interesting anymore. At least I’m more productive, I guess - or I would be, if I had some work to do. Honestly, it’s a good thing I have my family around me at the moment.

ETA: Having posted this and reread it, I realised that I needed to have some sleep and go outside. I’m getting a little better at recognising when I need to find ways to avoid a downward spiral, but I guess this comment is evidence of what it’s like when the medicine wears off.

[zfirphdn]

I struggle so much with the “Like” button in this thread! I have a very literal mind, and when I read about the painful things happening, I always think “How can I possibly like that?” Even though I realize that in this thread a “Like” more often means something like “I appreciate that you posted. I acknowledge you as a fellow struggling human being!”

(In a somewhat similar way, in controversial topics, I may really appreciate someone posting something I disagree with, because it gives me new info and/or something to think about, but I don’t click “Like” in case I’d be seen as agreeing with the sentiment expressed.)

This comment probably belongs in some meta topic about the uses of the “Like” button. I’m dropping it here, just to say that I’ve been reading this thread all along, and I feel for each person who’s posted and wish everyone better times ahead, even if I haven’t clicked “Like”.

[AnonyMouse]

I encountered a Japanese toilet once in a sushi bar just off Regents Street. After I got over the initial shock it was mildly arousing.

[cleveremi]

The fact that the “like” is a heart helped me with this. I think of it like sending out a little love. If it was a thumbs-up, I don’t think I could do it as easily in this thread.

Every time I read about someone running out of likes, I feel that I really need to step up my liking. I’m not spreading the love around enough! Lard knows I waste enough of my day on the BBS, mostly lurking, the least I could do is like stuff better.

[zfirphdn]

[quote=“cleveremi, post:489, topic:67518, full:true”]
The fact that the “like” is a heart helped me with this. I think of it like sending out a little love. [/quote]

Thank you, that helps me!

@cleveremi

Every time I read about someone running out of likes, I feel that I really need to step up my liking. I’m not spreading the love around enough! Lard knows I waste enough of my day on the BBS, mostly lurking, the least I could do is like stuff better.

Same here, same here. My extreme introversion often stops me from posting or replying, even from simple Like-clicking.

Thanks again for the help!

[ChuckV]

These days, as I fall asleep and my breathing pattern changes, my clogged sinuses have developed a habit of loudly vibrating and thus waking me up. Better than sleep apnea I suppose, but still at the very least annoying.

[anon27822705]

Because it beats the alternative of giving up? Know your worth!

[anon27822705]

Finally going to get a weekend away with the mrs (first time in 4 years) and it looks like I’m coming down with something. Coworkers going home sick left and right. Not end of the world but goddammit.

And the eye surgery I had a few weeks ago has made things worse. Eyes better, vision worse if that makes any sense.

[onemanmob]

I have found that my mood and sleep quality improves greatly when I get some physical activity, the hard part seems to be keeping up with it.

**also thanks for reminding me to take my brain pills

[onemanmob]

a Hot Toddy at night will cure what ails you. (for the cold not the surgery)

[renke]

@renke

starting in 4 weeks or so I will be completely rebuilding an important part of the business-critical infrastructure without a map at hand, as the development project lead has himself no idea what he’s doing and what he’s trying to accomplish.

what a day. a 6-hour long crisis meeting. not only my CEO but also the CEO of a company in the same group (we’re officially in a cold war with them…) and the boss of the parent company, one step below the Australian corporate overlords.

I’m hopeful with caution. but had the same feeling some 18 months ago after the last crisis meeting.

[OtherMichael]

Fuck American health coverage. Last year I had a high-deductible HSA account, and it was awful.

this year, I thought I went back to the plan I had had the year before.

Apparently not, because the plan I had had two years ago had a flat $200 co-pay for emergency room visits. Only I got a bill for $850 for my wife taking my daughter there in January (thought it might be appendicitis; it was “just” pneumonia). On top of the $200 we paid at the time. Turns out there’s an individual and family deductible, a copayment percentange, and a total out-of-pocket cap (separate numbers of course for in-network and out-of-network).

This stuff is more confusing to me than a tax code. which is also confusing.

#god dammit

I do not know what the fuck I am talking about when I sign up, fill out forms, pay for, ask questions about, or seemingly anything related to health care.

Also, I need a new doctor as mine retired, and I’ll be out of blood-pressure* pills in 2 weeks.

Only I can’t remember the name of the doctor who currently has my medical records.

#GOD DAMMIT

 

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* yeah, I’m only 45 and have had idiopathic high blood pressure and cholesterol for several years.

[jsroberts]

@jsroberts

At least I’m more productive, I guess - or I would be, if I had some work to do.

I finally got a project last night! (actually three, but one will take a good week to complete and the other two were much smaller). Also, my concentration is much better than it used to be now that I can work on something all day. I guess the medicine is helping, even if my mind has taken a turn for the weirder.

[anon50609448]

So in a bit of a Meta-Fuck, reading over this thread… are there any progressive straight, cis, neurotypical, able-bodied white men out there who aren’t mentally ill? Like, someone who has been able to realize their privilege and think about how they should try to listen to people with different viewpoints who isn’t already themselves part of a group that is discriminated against?

Everyone cool seems to be on brain drugs (or off them because they are making things worse). Somehow realizing the adversity that so many people have faced makes me despair for the chance of reaching anyone who hasn;t.

[OtherMichael]

@anon50609448

are there any progressive straight, cis, neurotypical, able-bodied white men out there who aren’t mentally ill?

… me?

@anon50609448

Like, someone who has been able to realize their privilege and think about how they should try to listen to people with different viewpoints who isn’t already themselves part of a group that is discriminated against?

Oh. Nevermind.