Presbyopia. All of us get it. It never gets better, but you do learn to compensate.
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âOne day I sat thinking, almost in despair; a hand fell on my shoulder and a voice said reassuringly: cheer up, things could get worse. So I cheered up and, sure enough, things got worse.â
- James Hagerty
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Thatâs a bad feeling, realizing you lost a hard lens. Iâve had them literally just be like âfuck you im outâ, and pop out of my eye into nothingness for no reason at all. That meant a $200 trip to the pervy eye doctor. Went to soft lenses for a few years even though Dr. advised against because of my astigmatism. Finally just said forget it and got coke-bottle glasses and couldnât be happier. Even though I get a lot less flirting. I guess Iâm not interested in the type of girl that wouldnât flirt with a guy just because he wears glasses anyways.
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So so so sorry. I donât know you or your brother, but I know the pain and insanity of addiction, and the pain and discomfort that addicts try to treat with drugs. I was the brother who odâed a few times, but made it out by sheer dumb luck and a few shots of well-timed Narcan.
I hope it is not offensive to you for me to say this: remember your brother for who he was to you when he wasnât using. I believe it is probably who he really was. When I was using I was a completely different person. Please take care of yourself, and please forgive us all for helping to create a world that your brother, myself, and millions of others struggle to live in and find our places in.
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Roman Catholic, myself.
Iâm looking into getting a motorcycle.
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One you can drive blind, I hope.
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Oh j, Iâm sorry that I missed this and Iâm sorry for your loss and sorrow. You have all my condolences.
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Same here, @japhroaig⌠I have no words. I am sorry for your loss.
Hereâs a hug for you.
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Martin Starr probably does okay (his character on Silicon Valley does very well).
When I was dating, I always thought glasses were a plus rather than a negative. My husband wears thick glasses, and I met him long before people thought glasses were cool.
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I get asked a lot whether my glasses are âreal or just for looksâ.
What is it about glasses that make the wearer more attractive to you?
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Time for you to grab the reins and turn the narrative.
âTheyâre so I can look. Duh, two eyes! Get some fashion and some sense!â
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Iâm just kind of numb at this point. This is the last time I get to see my house (itâs being sold because of the divorce), my brother is gone, my step dad had a stroke two weeks ago, my dad had a stroke a week ago and his cancer is back., and my job here is to provide emotional support to others.
Perhaps some good will come out of all this. Iâm closer to my parents than I have been in years. My ex is finally taking charge of her own happiness, and I wish her the best despite what she did.
My mother who was taking care of my brother no longer has to live in fear. His death isnât a good thing, but mixing schizophrenia, meth, and alcoholâand not taking his medicationâunleashed extremely violent outbursts regularly. We all lived in fear of an even worse phone call.
He deserved to heal and be a complete human. He chose a different path, and there was literally nothing we could do to stop him.
There was a good, kind person lurking in there. But that side of his personality got shoved down by his demons. For me that is the most tragic part.
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Your job is to help yourself heal. That you are taking on the task of providing emotional support is certainly appreciated, but your real task should be you as well. And it sounds like youâre doing a good job of it. Acceptance is a difficult task, itâs a lot easier to do other things.
Let me know if I can be of any help.
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Talking it out helps immensely. Going through grief and loss is part of the human condition , itâs something we all share. But it makes me feel⌠quite existential to know Iâm likely gonna be literally the one standing in my family.
This is gonna sound like a whine, because it is. It wasnât supposed to happen this way.
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I suspect he was lucky to have YOU as a brother. That kind of understanding and the implicit forgiveness built-in to it isnât the easiest way to feel.
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It never does, buddy. It never does.
Youâre not whining, youâre just observinâ. Ainât nothing wrong with that.
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Yup, you should look into alternate types of contact lenses then. Remember I mentioned that I have 4 different prescriptions between my two lenses? Welcome to middle age!
Contact design and range of availability changes pretty rapidly. Iâm in an entirely new type this year, which wasnât available at my (also very bad) eyesight level last year. Itâs really worth looking into. I hate feeling helpless when it comes to not being able to see properly, so I can imagine itâs the same for you.
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I know this wasnât directed at me, but since Iâm also a woman I thought maybe you wouldnât mind the question being considered in general.
Personally, I like the dichotomy between public and private: someone who wears glasses in public but takes them off at least sometimes while relaxing at home, or conversely someone who wears contacts when out in public but changes into glasses in the evening at home. Itâs the intimacy of knowing someone when theyâre truly comfortable around you.
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Nope nope nope nope nope.
Your job is to commiserate and grieve together. You are not solely responsible for the emotional well-being of others, unless you are their parent and they are still very young children.
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