Appreciated. We’ve been successfully managing her kidney disease and if it’s something like hyper cardiomyopathy then we can attempt treating that as well. If it’s congestive heart failure then we’re pretty much screwed for treatment options since you really can’t balance fluids for her kidneys and diuretics. My fingers are crossed but for now it’s just incredibly stressful waiting.
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Thank you for your input, we really appreciate it. Your solution sounds like it’s working out well for you. I don’t envy you having a borderline in your family though-- I know how stressful that can be.
Yes, all of this is still an issue, but we’re taking the money and spending it. The court essentially told us that we have to. There’s a good bit of creative accounting involved, but entirely legal according to both our accountant/financial adviser and the CPS caseworker. But I’ve also created living trusts for both kids, with RatWoman and myself as trustees, that interlock with our own family trusts, and we’re putting some money into ITF accounts for them. Basically we’re trying to make sure that the kids have assets available at adulthood that their mother can’t get at, and that won’t affect their ability to receive governmental benefits.
The CPS caseworker who was annoying me does really seem to be making an effort to stay out of the way. She comes by for Friday family dinner once a month and that apparently counts as her required site visit. And she has a good time, too. 
It’s fairly likely that their mother will be released from her treatment program, probably in August, and I expect she will be able to regain control of the kids if she wants to. She’s been okay on supervised day visits, but she’s already saying she doesn’t like the meds she’s on, and if she goes off them, we’re back to square one. My eldest daughter is trying to get some arrangements made for when she’s released.
If mom can keep it together out in the world, that would be a very good thing. As you may have seen me mention elsewhere, my family is considering moving to western Europe for a few years starting in the fall/winter. If that happens, we wouldn’t be able to take those two kids with us. It wouldn’t be fair to the mom, and CPS and Family Court would never allow it anyway.
There’s a further development, also: it appears that the boy (age 6, so RatBoy the Elder’s peer) may be on the autism spectrum, but fairly high functioning. He has always had problems in school (behavioral issues, learning difficulties, and social dysfunctions) but it’s been chalked up as problems with his home life. We’re addressing that now, and trying to get a formal diagnosis so we can get Regional Center involved to help manage the issue and guide us towards additional resources.
(Sorry everybody, a little off-topic because this isn’t really a “Fuck Today,” but an update to an earlier one.)
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Just got a call from the vet. She goes in for an ultrasound later this afternoon. I’m not feeling positive but I’m really hoping for the best here.
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Wisdom indeed! A Zen master of my acquaintance says, “If I could only teach you one thing, it would be: don’t believe in your own thoughts.”
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I concur. Mine are actively engaged in a consistent program of harassment, are actively trying to kill me and have been doing so for a while. But fuck those guys though. Today, they do not win.
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We had to put her down. I’m absolutely crushed.
In the past year we have lost both of our cats. Fuck today and fuck this last year.
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Ahhhh shit. 
That just sucks.
Love cats, even though I can’t keep them. Furry little buggers always find a way in to your heart.
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I’m so sorry. With a veterinary professional in the house, we see this far too much.
Please spend some time with another fuzzy helper soon. Any friend’s fuzzy dumdum will help.
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Oh, shit. I’m sorry about today…this week…this month…this year.
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They’re always there for us when we need them and you were there with her when she needed you. It helps to cry, it really does. I’m sending you tons of hugs and none of them are letting go.
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That’s awful, I’m really sorry to hear that.
@M_M I thought it was good to see people who were very successful, useful and admired and still had suicidal or self hating thoughts. It’s important to realise that you’ll never impress yourself based on your performance - self criticism can just become an obsession with no connection to reality. I also noticed that I was way more dismissive of myself than of other people around me. I would be an absolute jerk if I treated other people in that way, and following myself around insulting myself wasn’t helping anyone either.
It doesn’t eliminate the thoughts completely, but learning to be kind to yourself and not react negatively to self criticism or take it seriously can really take away its power.
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I am so, so sorry. Going to give my ancient fuzzy one an extra cuddle tonight.
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I’ve taken to compartmentalizing it and treating it as a thing apart, a sly malevolent demon that whispers and only has spite and hate for me. I’m wise to it’s more obvious tricks, but sometimes, the more subtle ways… can get to me. Regardless, it is not me. It’s a thing apart.
And seriously, fuck that asshole. I refuse to even justify it’s existence by giving it any more credence, any more dignity than it deserves, small, petty thing that it is. Hence the refuge in absurdity and laughter. And cake.
And today, Today, it will not win. 
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Ah, noo. That is sorry.
Hug…
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I know that feel. I’ve had to have two of my cats put down, and, especially for the first one, I hated myself for a long time because of it.
But it was the right thing to do. It took a long time, but I believe that now.
If you can believe it was the right thing, it will get better.
Other than that, all I can send you is reassurance in the form of an internet hug.
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I think of it as a trolley - it tries to get a reaction from me and it uses my energy and arguments against me. I can’t fight it directly, because that makes it stronger and gives its messages more legitimacy. What I’m trying to do is something along the lines of the black dog illustration of depression that was in a video a while ago. It will dominate me if I let it, but I can accept its presence and minimise its power over me. I found the same with OCD and forgetfulness - the worst thing is to reinforce negative events or feelings with more negative feelings. It’s not worth the mental energy and it makes those things more likely to happen and more important in your life.
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This is very familiar. I might be using different language, but it’s a variety of the same mechanism to cope. So, that’s pretty cool. [quote=“jsroberts, post:1666, topic:67518”]
the worst thing is to reinforce negative events or feelings with more negative feeling
[/quote]
I’m not sure I’m quite on the same level of understanding my inner demons as you are of yours, but I can recognise this and where you’re coming from. There are more similarities than differences.
I tend to think the best way is just to do the opposite. It hates people, despises others and is bitter and jealous.“If you, then why not me, where’s MINE!”. So I try. And online, it’s much easier. There is a distance, a longer perspective. It’s only with actual real flesh-people that I have real trouble. Most of the time, I’m better when I’m not around them. 
And this is about enough seriousness for me, for today. I hate feeding the fucker and even talking about it feeds it. Time for a drink. Pass the rum.
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I’ve got some family like that, which I luckily only see around holidays. I have finally mastered the art of glazing-over and going to my happy place in a Kyoto shrine, arm in arm with Sandra Bernhard
and a baby elephant, while they finish regurgitating word for word whatever the Kochs and neocon ‘think tanks’ have paid for them to think. One thing I noticed about this strategy: the less you argue with them (if you know they won’t change, what’s the point; they know how ugly their words are, depend upon it), the less fun it will be for them to bring up their ‘controversial’ opinions. But yeah, it sucks. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time, sorry. If you ever need a sympathetic ear we can swap stories. Won’t tell you how many X-Mas’s I’ve spent sitting next to an obscenely huge pistol on the hip of a man complaining about blacks harassing poor police.
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Oh god I’m sorry. I love furry companions, and it is crushing when they pass. I’m not happy to say I know how you feel, and if you are like me crying for a few days is probably in your future.
Charlemagne, the six toed cat, gives you purrs.
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Thanks for the support, everybody. It really helps. I don’t have any human children so Father’s Day (as much of a bullshit holiday it is) without any furry babies is especially hard. I barely slept last night - too much crying.
@SlyBevel I have much respect for that as a profession. I couldn’t do it. The emotional aspect would be too much to deal with. Our vet is wonderful and has become a friend to us over the years.
@japhroaig that’s a beautiful kitty. I love those Maine Coon features. Our cat that we lost last year was part MC.
I probably won’t be doing much more than lurking here over the next few days while I try to pull myself together.
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