I think part of the point of this thread is to help keep the bad stuff in perspective, and @Medievalist’s post kind of did just that for me. My problems officially seem smaller and less concerning. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and your family @Medievalist. I never know what to say about these things except to say that it’s your time to grieve, don’t deny it to yourself to save face at work or with friends. You have my condolences.
My worries today, which now seem less vivid, are all about where I go from here. My degree program is coming to a gradual close. When this coming semester is over, my senior year will begin, and I realize that there’s a lot I need that I still don’t have. I don’t have internship experience. I don’t have any independent or semi-independent lab work under my belt, and the longer I wait to hear back from my professor about my research proposal, the more I worry that the stars aren’t going to align in my favor. I don’t think I have any instructors who can write a recommendation letter. I feel stuck and dissatisfied.
When I came back to university a bit older I thought I could make more if it, but it turns out to be harder than it was the first time, I’m just more capable. I have to work to provide things for myself while going to school, and while it’s not impossible, I’m finding it really puts a crimp in “extracurricular activities” that a few internships I’ve looked at are looking for. I’m wondering if I have time to rectify deficiencies or if I need to prepare for a hard landing. It’s possible I’m catastrophizing. I think not knowing whether or not I’ll be doing research come the new semester is throwing a wrench in things. In registering for classes I’ve found that because of time conflicts and assorted mayhem, that I sorely need the research to plug a hole in my schedule. Part of being a transfer student and getting a BS is that you don’t have as many general education requirements to pad things out.
Thinking about grad school applications makes my head want to explode.
