To the death? Then I accept.
(updated gif)
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LOL!
For those who don’t get the reference:
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Trial by swimsuit competition!
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I was just watching a TV show or movie that had a dance-off to the death, wtf was that? The Magicians? I can’t remember. God my brain is going. Or has already gone, as many of you may attest… 
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This is the perfect metaphor for what I imagine their relationship must have been like.
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My choice is rocket launchers at 10 paces. I’ll be aiming for my opponent’s feet.
I’m hoping that other people think that anyone who agrees to this needs psychiatric evaluation, therefore avoiding the need for a duel.
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Maybe she’d leave him wallowing in freakish misery forever.
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If we can find someone to replace David Bowie…
Seriously though, that request alone should make sure that the judge deceides in favour of the ex-wife, whatever she filed for.
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… after hearing that duals have never actually been banned in the United States, thought it would be a good way to settle things once and for all.
… He also kindly invited his wife’s attorney Matthew Hudson to the dual, who could either be a spectator or stand in for the lady.
But … dual whats!?
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Here’s a re-enactment:
It seems the woman is at a severe disadvantage because she was not allowed to wield a weapon and has to make do with a stone in a piece of cloth, and because it’s harder for a woman to lift a man than for a man to pull a woman into a hole.
Talhoffer appears to be the only source for this kind of duel, so this was probably a local custom, or maybe just Thalhofer’s idea how such a thing might be conducted.
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Those wacky Swabians!
I’ve seen other reenactments of this that seem reasonably even (disclaimer, can’t listen to video right now so can’t hear analysis), but yeah, it’s certainly not… even even.
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I’m smelling basement dweller with unwashed neckbeard.
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I’d think if you had some reach with the sap, you could knock him out without getting hit. Then if were the sturdy farm type you might drag him out of the hole. Otherwise you would be forced to just bash his head in. (Oh no! smack Not that! smack Anything but that! smack Curse this law! smack)
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The sturdy farm type might stand a chance if she’s still young, but typically women would bear a child at least every other year, and that on top of the hard work would wear them down quite a bit.
As you can see in the video, the sap would easily wrap around the man’s hand or weapon, and he then could just pull her closer with the sap, and pull her leg so she falls.
This obvious imbalance indicates this might be just a study by Talhoffer.
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Eww, that’s not nice, afends the nostrils.
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A Klingon divorce would probably be a lot faster than a bat’leth battle:
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More embarrassing than death, perhaps, will be the fact that you have to explain what you mean when you say that you “crossed swords” with another gentleman.
Entourage: Crossing swords
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