âmost functional adultâ
Who wants that when I can be me?
Not to be confused with the âbest adulteryâ award.
Iâd like a ribbon celebrating the passage of oneâs mid-life crisis. Or is that more deserving of a trophy?
Donât most people think itâs a sports car?
Or an attempt at the adultery award?
Hey, some of us can only afford a ribbon.
Can I get one that says, âYou Paid Bills!â? Or, " Your Bathroom is Clean!"
Trophy husband?
Ah, adulthood. Where keeping up with the logistical demands of baseline functionality is right at the edge of your available stamina; and it never gets easier with practiceâŚ
I remember naively assuming, as a child, that one would somehow grow into the role. It turns out that the role just gets dumped on you and you either Sisyphus on; or just fall off the rails; but there is no secret, no change, no realization. Just one day after another; simultaneously overflowing with demands and void of objectives.
The funniest transitionâand perhaps our subconscious communal laughâis yes, there is a time you donât have to wear pants. Then there is a time you must wear pants. Then a time where pants are optional.
Iâm at the optional stage. But I forsee another couple rides on this merry go round.
f(x)=adult
I suggest the Trophy of Perpetual Futility.
I think there's a subliminal message at play here.
The Adulting Honorable Mention award is deep
teal with gold lettering.
The I Wore Pants Today award is
adarkforest green with gold lettering.
Do the pants have to make it all the way on for it to count?
Yes, all the way onto the top of your head.
On both legs?
I wear the pants in our relationship, although tomorrow itâs my wifeâs turn. We should really get around to buying a second pair.
And this is exactly whyâŚ
Dorthy Gambrell is literally the best⌠Literally.
Unfortunately, not literally enough to absolve you of responsibility.
