Get the most functional adult in your life an official Adult Award

[Read the post]

“most functional adult”

Who wants that when I can be me?

9 Likes

Not to be confused with the “best adultery” award.

21 Likes

I’d like a ribbon celebrating the passage of one’s mid-life crisis. Or is that more deserving of a trophy?

6 Likes

Don’t most people think it’s a sports car?

7 Likes

Or an attempt at the adultery award?

5 Likes

Hey, some of us can only afford a ribbon.

8 Likes

Can I get one that says, “You Paid Bills!”? Or, " Your Bathroom is Clean!"

9 Likes

Trophy husband?

3 Likes

Ah, adulthood. Where keeping up with the logistical demands of baseline functionality is right at the edge of your available stamina; and it never gets easier with practice…

I remember naively assuming, as a child, that one would somehow grow into the role. It turns out that the role just gets dumped on you and you either Sisyphus on; or just fall off the rails; but there is no secret, no change, no realization. Just one day after another; simultaneously overflowing with demands and void of objectives.

11 Likes

Maybe a small trophy of a sports car?

Only $9.95 from Schoppy’s.

3 Likes

The funniest transition–and perhaps our subconscious communal laugh–is yes, there is a time you don’t have to wear pants. Then there is a time you must wear pants. Then a time where pants are optional.

I’m at the optional stage. But I forsee another couple rides on this merry go round.

5 Likes

f(x)=adult

1 Like

I suggest the Trophy of Perpetual Futility.


I think there's a subliminal message at play here.

The Adulting Honorable Mention award is deep teal with gold lettering.

The I Wore Pants Today award is a dark forest green with gold lettering.

5 Likes

Do the pants have to make it all the way on for it to count?

1 Like

Yes, all the way onto the top of your head.

2 Likes

On both legs?

I wear the pants in our relationship, although tomorrow it’s my wife’s turn. We should really get around to buying a second pair.

2 Likes

And this is exactly why…

6 Likes

Dorthy Gambrell is literally the best… Literally.

Unfortunately, not literally enough to absolve you of responsibility.

2 Likes