I’ve received some … less than supportive DMs over the years. I will usually invite the moderator into the DM just in case the user needs further explanation about why it was unwelcome.
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No, that’s not the message. Sexually explicit unsolicited DMs however cross the line.
That would get you shitcanned at every place I’ve ever worked and uninvited from most of my social groups. Again, it’s not answering a question that was the problem, it was the nature of the content.
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I don’t think this is necessarily true.
I’ve DMed @anon61221983 and @Melizmatic and maybe two other regulars before I knew them. I remember I asked Mindy a question about moderation collateral damage and I DMed Melizmatic about something personal that I didn’t mind her repeating privately but I didn’t want it posted for the world to see. I think they were fine with it. I’ve also been DMed a few of times and there was only one that seemed odd, so I chose to ignore it.
Personally, I think you should use DMs in a similar fashion as if you are meeting someone for the first time. Be super polite and try to sus out whether the person wants to communicate. Also, please remember that you may be replying to a woman, and sometimes “explaining” something can come across as patronizing for us.
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I feel as if you’re overthinking this a little.
What’s frowned upon is intentionally derailing Topics which is usually done by bad faith actors, versus when this happens more organically which happens all the time (often completely innocently). The former should be handled by mods. The latter can be handled on an as-needed basis.
If a Topic starts going too off-topic and it starts to dilute the purpose of the original Topic, it’s completely reasonable to ask that the conversation be moved into its own Topic. Any mod or Leader can do this. If a Topic is being derailed, use flags.
ETA At least that’s how I interpret the rules, but it’s served me well in my many years here.
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I’m sure you are right. As a result of that overthinking I made a mistake in giving this answer in a DM.
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How often do you send a DM to answer a question posed in a public thread?
Because if this hasn’t been your go-to until now, then what made you start with this particular situation, in which (apparently) you sent unrequested graphic sexual info to a woman you don’t know?
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So this is troubling - the comment I just made praising you for your good counter argument was flagged for violating community standards. I think folks are getting a tad bit overwrought about small disagreements.
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Or maybe nobody here is stupid enough to think “congratulations, you are the only person who did this right, instead of doing all these things other people did” is really mean as a compliment to that person and not an insult to everyone else.
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My compliment to him was exactly what it sounded like - praise for a level-headed rational response.
“Instead of being accusatory, claiming of gaslighting, and just generally ratcheting up the anxiety”…given that someone else literally used the word gaslighting, you must think very little of us to pretend that wasn’t meant to deride anyone.
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Yes, I meant the person who said gaslighting was not presenting a counter argument in a great way.
I find this so funny in context.
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10 posts were split to a new topic: Is there a “right way” to argue about Trump?
If you’re going to be posting in bad faith – which is what I consider passive-aggressively masking an insult with a compliment to be – I’m not going to let you claim you were doing otherwise just because the evidence is hidden. Do better. Or don’t, and enjoy the flags.
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Community standards apply here just as much as they apply to the rest of the BBS.
It might be good to “go out and play” for a little while…
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This topic is temporarily closed for at least 4 hours due to a large number of community flags.
Let’s keep this thread focused on moderation, not continuing arguments from other threads, thanks.
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This topic was automatically opened after 4 hours.
