💇 Grooming! Tips, tricks, do's, and do nots! (there is no try!)🐸

[Medievalist]

@M_M

Anyone have good tips on nails?

If you coat them with meta-cyanide, you can kill a giant albino mutant in a bare-knuckle no-rules wrestling match.

@nungesser

I loathe haircuts. There’s very few things I hate more than sitting in a chair for a half hour and making chitchat, glasses off and the world a blur, waiting to see if my hair’s all fucked up or not, and then paying $30-$50 for it.

Get a Wahl clipper, and buzz your entire head down to #2 or #3 (depending on hair type, head shape and scars) every four to six months. Takes less time than driving to the barber! It will take a couple tries to get the grip and pattern down pat, so make sure to have two mirrors available to check the back.

I’ve only been to the barber twice in the last several decades. I got the clipper for $12 on sale; they cost a lot more now. Better to buy a used pro model than a cheesy home model, and beware of cheap imitations.

I do my do over the toilet and flush the hair afterwards; others just do it outside and let the birds dispose of the hair. Keep in mind you’ll want to shower afterwards and your housemates will prefer if you do a quick vacuum or sweep up. Even with all that it still takes less time than a barber!

[Snowlark]

@Wanderfound

Cologne and/or perfume: it’s supposed to be subliminal. If people are definitively aware that you’re wearing it, you’re using too much.

I’m quoting you solely to double the odds that someone will read this. It’s called intimate fragrance for a reason, people.

[anon35121463]

@anon36081309

I have had good results by massaging coconut oil into and around the nail

Cool. I’ll try that. I’m really hard on mine (nervous habit and such) and I’m trying to fix them.

Don’t know why I haven’t tried that yet. Coconut oil’s brilliant stuff. It’s great at mitigating damage from bleaching or colouring hair too.

@Medievalist

If you coat them with meta-cyanide, you can kill a giant mutant in a bare-knuckle no-rules wrestling match.

Makes mental note for next fight

@Snowlark

It’s called intimate fragrance for a reason, people.

And it doesn’t say marinade either. OK, teen kids with the body-spray get a pass because they’re, well, teen kids. They’ll learn. But actual adults have zero excuse.

[Wanderfound]

@nungesser

I loathe haircuts. There’s very few things I hate more than sitting in a chair for a half hour and making chitchat, glasses off and the world a blur, waiting to see if my hair’s all fucked up or not, and then paying $30-$50 for it.

I have a similar response; “you want me to sit here, blind, with my arms restrained, while a stranger holds a knife at my throat? Are you fucking nuts!?”.

That was before the Tourette’s kicked in. These days, a haircut is a genuinely life threatening activity if done with anything more dangerous than an electric razor. Ergo, shoulder-length hair and a beard.

[nungesser]

@ficuswhisperer

If there’s one lesson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that everybody in the world should take to heart when it comes to perfumes of any kind it’s this: spray, delay, and walk away.

I remember getting cologne advice from my then-15-year-old nephew:
“Okay, first, get some Axe, that’s what dudes use. The spray stuff. Then you spray up and down, up and down, right in front of you, for like ten or fifteen seconds. You want to make a good solid cloud. Then you walk through it. And that’s how you put on cologne.”

He, and every room he was in, reeked of Axe for a few years there. Thankfully he now has a live-in girlfriend and no longer smells like STREETSIDE RUMBLE or whatever his favorite scent was.

[subextraordinaire]

Here’s what you do with Axe: you pick it up, walk outside, and throw it in the landfill garbage can.

At one time, that spray was the most difficult part of teaching 13 to 15-year-old males.

[Ignatius]

@M_M

Anyone have good tips on nails?

I’m not so great with nails but those 4-sided, $2ish dollar buffer things (as far as I can tell, brand doesn’t matter much) are amazing and I love them.

@nungesser

STREETSIDE RUMBLE

Oh my god.

[nothingfuture]

Gustin. They’re the Heavy American model, but I have Super Heavies as well (18oz) and they have a run of Kevlar/Denim blend at 24oz for sale right now.
I wear double front 12oz canvas from Taylor Stich that are excellent. Mercy clothing makes a waxed 20oz pant that’s pretty bomber.

[Donald_Petersen]

I’ve always been low-maintenance (read: low effort). No hair product beyond shampoo and conditioner. (I used to like Garnier Fructis Fall Fight 'cause it was cheap and did seem to keep more hair on my head than on the floor of the shower, but they don’t carry that variety at my local Ralphs anymore.) Dove body wash. And I shave with a Mach 3. No shaving cream or soap, just hot water and the razor. My beard isn’t particularly thick. I used a Norelco shaver for years until my late 20s, and then when the battery wouldn’t hold a charge anymore I switched to Mach 3s. I used shaving gel for a month or two, then realized I didn’t need it at all. The Mach 3 and hot water gives me baby-ass cheeks.

I had acne in my teens and tried a few different regimens of products to clear it up, but eventually I just apparently outgrew it, so now I just use that Dove bodywash on both face and body.

I don’t think spending more money on products or processes would measurably improve my appearance anymore, so I don’t bother.

[nothingfuture]

The only thing I put in my hair for product is a pomade I make myself. It’s one part bees wax to two parts coconut oil. Mixed a bunch as it cools to incorporate some essential oils (pink grapefruit and sweet orange). Works great, smells awesome.

[TobinL]

@Donald_Petersen

I used a Norelco shaver for years until my late 20s

That is what I use now. I used to cut my skin all the time with razors no matter what I tried and I still manage to draw blood with the Norelco and I am not sure how I manage it.

[RatMan]

@nothingfuture

I got myself a Peanut clipper, and I’ve settled on the “rugged” look- I always have stubble

I’ve always liked that look. I did it for a while… electric beard trimmer set to the minimum length was just about right. Think a balding version of Don Wildman. Then the bottom of my beard started to go grey, so I had to trim it more. Eventually RatWoman laid down the law: either grow it out or shave it off, but no more sandpaper.

[Medievalist]

Mrs. Medievalist prefers that I wear a short beard, although she’s not as fond of the mustache. The beard mostly hides a fair number of facial scars so it works for me too! But I still have to shave, because my facial hair grows way down on my neck and way up on my cheeks, not quite as bad as JoJo the Dog Faced Boy.

[RatMan]

Are you me? Same problem, same solution.

[nungesser]

@Donald_Petersen

No hair product beyond shampoo and conditioner.

Quick tip from my barber on product; one time he was putting something in my hair and I asked what he was using, and he said “a light pomade to condition and soften your hair. See this little tube? It’s $12. If you want the same effect, just use any hand lotion, something with glycerin. Don’t waste your money.”

[Medievalist]

Probably not! I’m an extreme recessive gene combination - four blue-eyed grandparents, auburn haired mother with no freckles, and nearly four percent Neanderthal according to DNA analysis.

The beard-up-to-the-eyelids thing is weird in context, since I couldn’t grow a beard at all until I was 24, and have very little body hair.

[GulliverFoyle]

@subextraordinaire

Here’s what you do with Axe: you pick it up, walk outside, and throw it in the landfill garbage can.

At one time, that spray was the most difficult part of teaching 13 to 15-year-old males.

In the office restroom, someone keeps buying Axe and putting it near the sink for general pollution. Our restroom has a variety of cabinets, and I’ve hid it many times, but it always migrates back to the countertop. I am so close to just throwing it out.

[TooGoodToCheck_]

At one point, for movember, I tried to let my facial hair grow out. It was an unmitigated disaster. I have no idea how someone who’s pushing forty can, after 30 days of not shaving, look like a damn high-school student. stringy, scruffy, god I hate my facial hair

anyway, I have no useful grooming tips, but I appreciate this topic. I agree with the use of moisturizers - they’re surprisingly important (especially when you have no meaningful hair to conceal your skin)

[subextraordinaire]

Throw it out! Throw it out! Throw it out!

[GulliverFoyle]

On the one hand I’m like: Okay, this isn’t mine so I shouldn’t toss it in the trash.

But on the other hand I’m thinking: This shit is a health and sanity hazard, and the world will be a better place once I make this one little transgression against someone else’s property.

Besides, don’t property rights kind of lose their moral imperative when someone’s property endangers everyone?