This is non gender specific, with only a few rules.
I was talking to a friend about mustache maintenance. Now, this is something that isn’t widely taught to men that want to rock the lip caterpillar, so here was my advice.
You push your mustache hairs down, and trim with the scissors so it’s right about at lip level. Then, this is the tricky part, to reduce volume you trim your whiskers in a horizontal line, half way between your nose and lip. But only trim them half length.
Taper into your nostrils, comb out loose hairs, trim stragglers, and lightly feather.
Totally self taught, but I like the look so much better than my clippers. When I get hair cuts I always get a scissor cut as well, never a clipper cut.
The other really, really important thing is to tweezer out the sparse hairs right above your mustache so you have a clean line, and carefully clean up the areas to the right and left of your soul patch if you have a goat or dyke.
The goal is volume but not Ron Swanson volume, no bald spots, and clean symmetrical lines.
Eh, typically I just wait until I have about 3mm of neckbeard going, then shave everything down, and re-do my Van Dyke. Maybe once a month. I’m still on night shift grooming. I could stand to clean up better.
I hate shaving, but I hate shaving 3mm even more. My whiskers and steel blades are frequently at an unstoppable force/immovable object type argument.
When I end up letting it grow out long, I’ll just take the electric clippers to my whole face, then take a shower, then shave off the remaining low-level stuff. Not painful at all, saves having to aggressively unclog the razor every single swipe, and generally allows me to be the opposite of Deadpool:
Cologne and/or perfume: it’s supposed to be subliminal. If people are definitively aware that you’re wearing it, you’re using too much.
My dad has a Ron Swanson stache. When I was a little kid I thought it was made out of brown Doug Fir needles.
Mine’s not quite so great. My dad has a lot more upper lip than I do. Really he has a disturbing amount of upper lip. He shaved off the mustache once, and when he came out of the bathroom mom started crying, and said “I can’t believe I married a horse!”
I don’t get out much, so limited utility for this but there’s a few things:
There’s no haircut so bad that a #3 buzzcut can’t solve.
Moisturize. Even if it’s cheap aqueous cream. Use one with an SPF of 15+ if you’re going outside.
Try to dress up once every couple weeks or so. Even if it’s only for a couple of hours and you’re just kicking around the place with no-one to see, it’ll make you feel better and give the good stuff an airing, besides, you should probably put some pants on sometime.
That’s actually great advice on the wearing something nice front.
I work IT for a “high-end” (really just expensive) clothing brand, but I bought some jeans from work on my quarterly allowance. And they are freaking sensually comfortable. Now that I know how good the jeans are I’d happily buy them full price.
Point being, I don’t wear them around, because they’d disintegrate on my body, they’re not made to be durable at all, and are like, less than 80% actual denim, but they look like the real mccoy, and I love them. Before the jeans, my favorite piece of clothing were 3 hiking shirts I wore on Philmont. Thin 50/50 cotton-poly blend ash gray. Looks like shit, but high utility value, and great memories, so I wore those three completely through. Like, they’re not even good for rags anymore. But they’re still hanging in the closet because of sentimental value.
I have a jacket I picked up on ebay for a steal. 
Ultrafine wool, very, very dark charcoal with a deep port-wine-red silk lining. Like, if CapaldiDoc was a casino-hopping secret agent, he’d wear this jacket. It’s cut beautifully. It’s subtle, it’s understated.
I’m never going to wear it anywhere, it’s utterly impractical and it was a stupid indulgence but…
…thankfully, no-one can see how daft I look in it. 
I honestly don’t care how I look most of the time. To the point where, walking down the street people have assumed I’m homeless and offered a meal. I just value familiarity and comfort in my clothing above all else. So I end up wearing things out. Like, I’ve had shoes literally fall apart as I’ve walked to the grocery store.
But it is nice every now and then to clean yourself up and look fancy for a little while.
I have some shirts like that, hanging in the closet but I can’t bear to let them go. These started out as office wear, then they became walking/hiking shirts, now they’re just wistful thinking.
That feeling when you bought two or three but you wish you’d bought ten:
If that’s what you carry your grooming gear in, I’m ready to be impressed with your heroin kit 
When you look up “well-loved” in the fashion dictionary, I’m sure this picture will be there.
(BTW, Public Service Announcement: I reorged my closet last week because that was getting out of control, there was more out of it than in it. I found a lot of expensive wool that’ll be going out with the trash because I didn’t take the moth danger seriously. Just sayin’.)
You haven’t seen my ridiculous pattern baldness. Mow that shit down to the follicles, I say.
Agreed, except if I’m the one doing the buzzing. About six months ago my hair was too long, so I did the, “Oh my hair’s too long–lemme grab the electric razor and chop everything with a #3 guard!” Which I did. Took off the guard at the end to even up the back of my head (all by feel, natch) and called it good…without looking.
Went to my favorite diner later that day and within five minutes of sitting down, my friend D gets a look of shock on her face and she asks me, “What happened to your hair? Wait. What happened to the back of your head?!? OMG, you’ve gotta get that fixed.”
As she is in beauty school (as well as being wicked smaht), I took her advice immediately and have been going to a barber ever since… And really, the best part of that day was D touching my head to ‘point out’ where my skillz had gone awry.
I do little actual grooming other than brushing my teeth and running a comb through my hair when necessary, but one of the most delightful things in the world is a hot-lather, straight razor shave.
My cousin has that same problem. We were watching a Pats game a few years back and as the cameras focused on Tom Brady, he ran his fingers slowly through his hair. I heard my cousin say, quietly and with a rarely-shown reverence, “My God would you just look at that.” 
You can usually find better made AND better priced clothing by checking out the sale areas in expensive stores instead of going to the usual cheap clothing stores.
I wish I had some good grooming hints, but as I haven’t had a haircut in over a year, I should probably keep my trap shut.
Oh, wait, here’s one: clean your hairbrush regularly! Pull excess hair out of the bristles every day and wash it (with shampoo) once a week.
What’s a hairbrush!?
Oh something you straight-hair people use, right. 
I used to break brushes off in my hair all the time until I figured out I shouldn’t be brushing it at all. Ever.
