(Hearing mom's voice) "What did I tell you about lying?"


#1

#2

Christ, what an 항문 (hangmun)


#3

Geez.

Still, probably less traumatic than being shot by a plain old firing squad… I’ve had to perform a couple of mercy killings on baby birds recently; I thought a hammer would be quick, but I wasn’t accurate enough :scream:

Next time, I used the car.


#4

Quite literally overkill


#5

A biologist friend tells me the most humane way to kill a bird is to squeeze its chest. They need so much air they pass out in a few seconds from the restricted breathing, then you can wring their neck once they’re unconscious.


#6

I’d have thought a shod foot would do well enough. I all-too-vividly remember a couple of times when my dad had to euthanize an injured bird and mouse, and he didn’t give it more than a moment’s thought. I was horrified at the time, but man, was it quick.

He also once took the head off a sidewinder with a garden hoe when it was menacing me and my sister. I still have its rattle in a Bayer baby aspirin bottle somewhere.

Oops… we’ve derailed thoroughly, haven’t we?


#7

I never intentionally hit a bird with a car, but when I have, it didn’t die.


#8

Well if you do, pop it inside a toilet roll.


#9

I killed a lady bug this AM. I was in a bad mood then I saw it and it perked me up – thinking how excited my little kids would be to find one mid winter. Us I know they are everywhere. But then I realized it was rather injured … struggling to walk at all. So I smushed it. That’s about as big an animal as I ever want to kill.


#10

I hit a squirrel once. I slowed to give him lots of time, but he kept running back and forth and pausing. Finally as I came upon him he stayed put, on all fours, well clearing the car bumper.

Then he stood up at the last second and stared at me. Thunk!

Worst part was, I didn’t see his body in the rearview. Could’t find it either in the front grille. No idea what became of him.


#11

A biologist friend tells me the most humane way to kill a bird is to squeeze its chest. They need so much air they pass out in a few seconds from the restricted breathing, then you can wring their neck once they’re unconscious.

LALALALALA… :fearful:


#12

Sometimes you have to cull an invasive species for the good of the native ecosystem. Cowbirds suck ass in other words.


#13

Starlings aren’t great either. I’m more comfortable with a .410.


#14

IRBs are more comfortable with the nice, quiet squeeze-n-snap, than shotguns when you have a 500 bird aviary to gene barcode then dispatch.


#15

One day, over the course of just a couple blocks of sidewalk, I managed to step on two anoles. Apparently, when someone approaches they just blindly run in any direction, not paying any attention to whether or not they’re running to or away from the “danger.” I imagine the survivors still speak of that day…


#16

Faked his own death


#17

I nearly injured a squirrel with my bicycle, but in the end it injured itself. I was commuting along a paved bike path, and the squirrel did that back-and-forth thing ahead of me. First I tried to slow down, and then thought I was going to get past it safely, and finally it ran straight at me from the side at full speed. It miraculously ran under the center of the bike, being missed by both the front and rear wheels, and missed by both of my feet on the pedals—and ran headfirst into a big metal utility box that was directly on the other side of the path. With a sickening thunk. A much-slowed-down squirrel wobbled away. I felt so bad for it.


Here’s a unicorn chaser for readers here :rainbow: :unicorn: and some get-well flowers for the squirrel :rose::cherry_blossom::blossom: (though it is probably long gone by now even if it came out of that event okay).


#18

Two years ago I was cycling near the Humber River in Toronto, when a mouse ran out from the grass at the edge of the bike path and went right under my front wheel. There was no time to react. When I stopped it was still kicking, but by the time I got back to it, maybe 20 seconds later, it was dead. I’ve no idea what caused the mouse to break cover and run across a paved path.:children_crossing::mouse2::bicyclist::bouquet:

There are plenty of squirrels in our neighbourhood, and I’ve had my share of incidents where an indecisive rodent starts to cross the street in front of my car, then thinks “No, can’t make it! Oh sure I can! Or maybe not! No, wait!..”. So far I haven’t run one over (to my knowledge).


#19

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