"Hello, I'd like to add you to my professional network on Linkedin" is the new "Christ, what an asshole"

Yeah, it’s like Facebook when it first went global. It takes 5 clicks just to accept a request and then not send a request to literally everyone who is connected to everyone else in my network.

I ditched my LinkedIn account 3 or 4 years ago, after I realized that I hadn’t logged in to the account since creating it, pretty much. Still get add requests every couple weeks from contacts, who must obviously be getting their contact list mined since I have a new email address since my LinkedIn account was closed.

The caption I use that seems to work for every New Yorker cartoon is “Don’t you fucking look at me.” Try it!

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I must be doing Linkedin wrong. I don’t get “Hello I’d like to add you…” What I get is “[Person you work with] added connections you may know.” And I say “Well, bully for them!” and hit Delete.

I guess it doesn’t work so well as a cartoon caption. Neither does this actual spam email I got, although it did come from a bona fide asshole:

Hi, I haven’t heard from you yet, and that can only mean one of three things:

  1. All of my emails have been understandably lost in the zoo that can be today’s inbox
  2. You’re interested in learning more about [piece of shit I’m selling] but haven’t had the time to get back to me yet
  3. You fallen and can’t get up — in that case let me know and I’ll call 911!
    Please let me know which one it is because I’m beginning to worry. Thanks in advance and I’m looking forward to hearing from you!
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I don’t know if it’s still true, but in the beginning signing up for an account meant you signed off on them getting access to your entire contact list (yes, from your computer, not from your account), and they would send direct emails to everyone stating that YOU were asking them to join too.

Which have been 100% of the requests. Are you a full-timer at the company, or is this a freelance job for you?

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I have no connection to LinkedIn except as a user.

I signed up with a throwaway email address and only put in marginally true info “chief nerd at gk zinmer & sons” (the guy that I worked for as a kid)… The folks who they recommend that I add to my network are very prescient: co-workers, people in my actual field, etc. Perhaps since I have logged in at work it is just a simple IP match?

I totally did this inadvertently five years ago. I emailed women I’d dated 5 years previous to that, people at past jobs, random customer service reps from around the world, every single gd person in my contacts. I felt like such a schmuck, but what was I going to do, email them again saying sorry? Oh LinkedIn, how did you turn out to be the weakest link?

#LinkHolesFTW

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It could be worse.
It could be Facebook.

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Your empty bottle never spammed me, so I vote that it wins.

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…just wait for Bottle 2.0 with Internet of Things support…

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LinkedIn also seems to mine your visits to make those “people you may know” emails. I found out by googling an old classmate’s name and clicking on the LinkedIn page (while not logged in). Bam! Now I’m on his stalker list.

I treat LI and Facebook similarly now - both will only be used in an otherwise unused browser in private mode.

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What I don’t understand are the accounts that have nothing in common with me. As in they live on the other side of the country and sell tractor parts and we share no common links. Are they just trying to bloat their numbers? Is it a scam? I just don’t get what use I am to them.

The dirty trick I’ve seen actually used to get h1b applicants over citizens is in the initial job advertisement specifically ask for a resume to be mailed. Not emailed. Literally noone will, thus your pretense for hiring an h1b applicant.

Yes, it works. Yes, I’ve met sleazy people.

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No. They don’t have my contact list. There are a few request for access you can deny, and I’m one of those sort of folks that actually monitors traffic leaving my network at the firewall.

What I was referring to was information it looked like they were mining from other social networks. E.g. they saw mentions of my name or photos I was credited for and then linked the people who made those posts and worked for companies that I had in the past back to me.

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Well, that’s just kicking the man when he’s down… Or rather, kicking the bottle…

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http://imgur.com/qyAhzdO

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Are you a woman? Apparently women get hit on a lot on LinkedIn. It hasn’t happened to me yet, but I’ve been getting a rash of them on Facebook (half spambots, half guys in India??) so it’s probably a matter of time.

What I do get lately is daily emails suggesting I might be interested in a job … that I list as “current” on my page. Why yes, thank you, I’ve been doing that for 6 months now. How perspicacious of you.

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