milliefink: Sorry, you are right, it was a question, but felt like an accusation. The numbers were only provided by request for “chgoliz”, but I do feel cinema is a reflection of reality. Albeit a distorted reflection. Isn’t that what this conversation is really about though. It feels better to pin the blame on Hollywood and say the tail is wagging the dog, but shouldn’t we look back at ourselves and ask why these movies resonate with such a large percentage of the population?
wrecksdart: I should have been more clear as 1% has taken on a life of it’s own. I was referring to Bradley Cooper, Bale, Fassbender, Jackman, and Damon as the 1% of highly desirable 40+ gentlemen and I feel the casting is believable.
At the base subconscious level dating is all about procreation.
Given the choice’ males will be selecting from the most fertile age range. Females will be selecting the most capable of providing for them and their offspring.
Heh! I knew that would piss someone off! But the fact is, the people that want a relationship and are not entirely broken seem to know how to stay in a relationship! They just don’t come onto the market often. The longer one goes without grabbing one of these people, the fewer and fewer are available. It isn’t that they aren’t around, its that I have no clue where to find them! And when I do, it just isn’t going to work out because the reasons they never settled down (like the UN / human rights lawyer I went out with a few weeks ago) – are even more in play now. Out of two dozen dates over the last six months ONE seemed close to what I wanted, she doesn’t even live in the US these days.
It is just getting harder and harder due to the numbers and nothing more.
Reminds me of the age discrepencies I see in news team and talk show hosts. Seems we want our news delivered by reliable, experienced men and pretty, pretty blonde ladies.
Completely agree, I’ve noticed the same thing dating in my 30s. I realized that quality mates rarely make it through a bottleneck that occurs in our 20s and rarely come back on the market.
Yes, great people do make it through that bottleneck and hit the market through breakups but they are much harder to find after a certain age. It’s simply how things shake out.
Sure, but it would be nice if women were appreciated for something other than their looks. Like, hey, a 30 year old has been through relationship hell JUST LIKE YOU and hopefully has learned from those bad experiences and is a better partner because of them JUST LIKE YOU. Being a fresh slate is not all a good thing.
I think what you are writing is exactly the point - women who are older are seen as “damaged goods” while men just become more “seasoned and experienced.” What if the women were also learning along the way JUST LIKE YOU?
My last serious girlfriend was chubby, old, and talented as fuck. She is one of the top musicians in her class, and travels the world (far too much for me). I’d rather have someone like her than some hot 20-something. However, if the relationship is purely physical? Give me looks. I don’t care how hypocritical it is if I’m not looking to connect with someone. However, I’d rather have the first.
As for relationship hell? I’ve never been through relationship hell. That’s the problem. I’ve been in industries (and then dated folks in the industries when I got out) that live pretty transitory lives. Ones that make it almost impossible to have long term relationships and we go into these knowing this. I am still good friends with MOST of my exes, and any that made it past the 1 year mark are all on my speed dial. Seriously. Hell, this is a HUGE problem for a lot of girls I date because they can’t understand how I get out of relationships and not still either want the other person, or hate the other person.
This is the problem…I want someone that has had the same experiences I had, but now want to move on to something lasting and more traditional. So when you say ‘JUST LIKE YOU’, no…not like me. I want JUST LIKE ME. I desire someone broken in the same way I am! Someone with kids and divorces are not.
You need a citation that says that folks fantasize about a world where they don’t have to have consequences, they can have purely the narcissistic relationship they want where they can put all their hopes and dreams on someone else that is a blank slate? You need a citation to say that in a fantasy world, they want fantasy as opposed to dreaming about paying for their kids colleges and working 60 hours a week to do so.
Yeah…ok…I’m not so sure I want to visit your fantasy world because mine seems more fun! I prefer my reality to my fantasy, but it is a great place to escape to!
I am chuckling to myself because I am married to the last boyfriend I had in college. When we reconnected 15 years later, just as friends - not expecting it to be anything more - he was still single and saying that he did not date women with kids because he didn’t want that drama. I told him I thought he’d be a great stepdad.
Fast Forward and now he is a great stepdad! Some people just have awesome kids (me)!!!
But I still get a great kick out of his insistence that he didn’t want that.
I also think this is one of those men/women divides. I have a great guy friend who is about 35 and he is ready to settle down, but when we went through his dating history, it turns out he’s been dating hot young women. And then he’s all like, “Hmmm…wonder why I ain’t married yet?”
I think men are hurt as much as women by things like these movies that pair such young women with older guys and tell them to value youth and innocence. If you have not had much experience dating, perhaps it would be to your benefit to date a woman who has who can help to teach you some of the ropes of intimacy.
Wait? Most fantasy is pie in the sky? That doesn’t have anything to do with reality? God…if I only didn’t study to be a psychologist I’d almost wonder what kind of person would consider fantasy to simply be fantasy!!!
Again…fantasy is not real world. It is fantasy. Which is probably why it is called fantasy. Do I need to repeat this word again?
If we were talking real world hopes, dreams and fears? It would be a different ‘most’ because it would be a little less easy to say. However fantasy generally involves narcissistic values that you project your basic dreams onto a blank slate.
That is actually awesome. I have a friend that we’ve come close a FEW times…her kids are great, the father hasn’t been in the picture in 10 years and hasn’t paid support in longer than that. It is certainly something I’m not looking for with someone I don’t know…but with a close friend? Scares the living shit out of me, but it might be something I could learn to live with. Either way, it isn’t something I’m going to walk into without knowing anything else.
As for me? I know why I’m not married! I was an idiot when I was younger pursing a career that focused on youth and short term, unsustainable goals…and somehow I got good at it. And I liked the money and other benefits. Working in a university these days? I see a completely different set of goals, and I feel my life is realigning with the traditional. Its screwy because 7 or 8 years ago…I would have never given up the old way, and now I realize the allure of it all.
But my original post on this topic really was that the people that write these screenplays really are from a world that doesn’t appreciate the traditional side of thing…mostly because it isn’t their world and it works for them. I look at my musician friends – both male and female – and even those that get married do so with the same intent I do when I date. Again…this is within my friends and not generalizable to the public (sadly, my job is figuring out how to generalize and model people’s habits!)…but to them, the traditional ways make no sense. It isn’t that they are wrong…its just different sets of values. And that’s why these sorts of things in movies really fall apart in most of the US. just my opinion…because apparently others are trying to tell my my generalizations (that are OBVIOUSLY arm chair generalizations) are wrong when they aren’t intended as anything by my view!
I get what you are saying. I worked in television production in college. The people who were very good at it were nerdy guys who did not get many dates.
One guy was about 25 (a grad student) and had this sad, torturous relationship with a woman that went on forever. When they broke up he was crying to me that he didn’t think he could attract anyone better and that he wanted her back because she was the best he could do.
That explained A LOT of television shows to me after know he people who ended up making it in the industry.
