House passes motion that lets members buy bulletproof vests with your tax dollars

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/02/27/house-passes-motion-that-lets.html

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They are right to be afraid, when instead of doing their job and representing the interests of the citizens, they implement policies that harm them.

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The Republicans be gettin’ all OG.

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Maybe they just saw how totally badass and not-at-all-ridiculous Jared looked in his and wanted in on the action.

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My ex-wife could have taken him out with a couple of shots to the eye. My daughter would take him out with two bullets to the genitals. Bullet-proof vests are no protection against qualified snipers.

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It wouldn’t be so mockery-worthy if he wasn’t the only person there wearing a vest. It’s not like he was embedded in an active combat zone or something.

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The need for bulletproof vests is a preemptive move for next months bill that will require all citizens of America to always be packing heat, because as the NRA has proven time and time again the only way to feel safe in this nation is if everyone has a gun on them at all times. I know, people will freak out and be like “Even CHILDREN!?!”. Of course not all children, that’s just insane, the proposal requires children have two years of gun safety training and marksmanship first. So children in kindergarten and first grade won’t get guns, until the last day of first grade when they graduate to 2nd grade where every kid that passed will each be issued a glock and 4 extended mag clips as well as a coupon for a discount on their first hundred rounds purchased. The children that are in the 90th percentile for marksmanship will instead be issued AR-15’s with their choice of ACOG scopes or grenade launcher attachments. /srcsm

I added the sarcasm tag to the end of this because in the current climate of stupid simpleton solutions I’m worried someone may think I’m serious.

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Vests? Vests are for wimps. Real men and women pack heat.

Apologies to clintcarlson77 above, but we don’t need to arm everybody, just all the congress critters. They can bring their own, or be issues with a military grade assault rifle at the door by a friendly marine, but they gotta be armed if they want to enter the chamber. Either it would make debate alot more respectful and polite, as NRA types suggest, or it would make C-SPAN a heck of a lot more entertaining.

Now admittedly this wouldn’t work if they had to pass mental health and criminal records checks, the NRA is right about that. But it sure would be grand to see Trump doing his State of the Union with Pelosi behind him slooooowly loading her glock.

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Never happen. You realize that would involve spending tax dollars on poor people? No, parents and guardians will be required to buy guns for little Poindexter. No excuses.

Also, look at that one guy behind Kushner. Looks like he’s just itching to test that body armor.

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They should also be forced to patrol schools to prove that a “good guy with a gun” can indeed stop a crazy shooter.

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You’ve got the wrong spin. It would mean giving tax dollars to large corporations to increase the death rate among poor people. That’s a bill you can sell to congress.

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Bullet proof vests? I don’t understand why they don’t just arm the entire Senate and all of Congress with BFGs. Bonus: I heard that this makes everyone more polite.

I want to see them fuss with the straps and hear the clatter of gun metal every time they stand or sit down.

Sarcasm Content: 0%

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Fantastic! I’ll put my order in at my Representatives web-store forthwith. It’s nice to see them finally selling more than fertilizer and their votes.

pure fantasy!

It’s amazing the convoluted lengths to which gun people will go in order to keep their guns and try to be safe from them.

Simplest solution: #GetRidOfTheGuns

Don’t put the death part in writing, of course. Guns don’t kill people, right? We’re just giving them their freedoms!

So, we need to harden Congressmen as well as schools. Got it.

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It’s not guns, it’s guillotines they need to be worried about.

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