# How many slaps does it take to cook a chicken?

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2021/01/01/how-many-slaps-does-it-take-to-cook-a-chicken.html

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This is exactly what I want the NSF to spend my tax dollars on.

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That’s a hertz to you or me!

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How many slaps does it take to cook a chicken?

Of all the unintentional euphemisms for masterbation I’ve heard, I think I like this one best.

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hurtz?

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It would work a lot better in space. Vacuum is an excellent insulator, and you could have the chicken in free fall, being slapped from multiple directions to keep it in place, so that it wouldn’t lose heat by conduction.

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It’s also a Becquerel

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If one left the chicken (minus a brain) alive, perhaps the immune response would sous-vide it, and/or things be left to tropic locale and global warming? No, this is an orbital problem being reduced to an oobleck problem. Martha Stewarts of the future will prep herbs for next year’s harvest to orbit the sun for a year, then teleport them back to detonate any skin and feathers just so.

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its too bad we could not reduce those slaps to microscopic waves that would hit thousands of times per second.

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It’s chicken-whackin’ good!

Fap fap fap…

This was from a song:

My agony, it comes in spurtz
I measure my pain in mega-hurtz

I heard that somewhere.

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Can somebody buy this person a welder please? Also that chain tension at the end makes me nervous.

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This is like watching “Cooking with John Kramer”.

How about putting the chicken in a cylinder, and slapping it with the air compressed by a piston; like an oversized version of a fire starter?

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I feel it only counts if you get the mechanical energy directly into the chicken. You can compress air to make warm air that will heat the chicken by conduction, but that’s no better than sticking the chicken in a tumble-drier at the launderette.

The slap of the air can accelerate the chicken but it hardly heats it adiabatically because the chicken does not compress much. Here is a ‘chicken gun’ for simulating bird strikes. The first one was built at Hawker-Siddley in Hatfield, just down the road from me, in the fifties. Here, the gas energy is largely converted into chicken kinetic energy, hurling it into the Rolls-Royce Trent 500 chicken slapper in the video.

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I remember hearing that, when the first Chicken Cannon was sold to a US firm, they contacted the manufacturer because the test chickens were ploughing straight through windscreens and fuselage panels. After a bit of discussion, the Chicken Cannon manufacturers changed their instruction manual to include the point that the chickens should be defrosted before use.

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Came for the ritual abuse of chicken corpses, stayed for the dodgy engineering.

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These kind of experiments never seem to take into account the ambient environment. If you slapped the chicken in a 400 degree oven, it would cook much faster. Likewise if you put it in a suitably sized thermos. The rate of cooling is a major limiting factor for all these things, let’s get some real science going, why not?

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Note to self: Do not fly airplane into frozen airborne birds

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Though to simplify the maths, it might be necessary to assume the chicken is spherical and of uniform composition.

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