How the Crest Team kept the Cavity Creeps under control

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/11/05/the-crest-team-kept-the-cavity.html

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I LOVED these commercials as a kid.

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I still occasionally chant “WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!”

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My only surprise is that this hasn’t already been rebooted into its own cinematic universe.

Updated cavity creep:

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Having advanced from log rafts to jet fighters to jet packs, and yet still using Stone Age weapons, Cavity Creeps are clearly being sold advanced technology from someone inside Toothopolis. Seems that there is a mole in the molars.

Not related, but ‘e’ of the Crest team is the only minority in Toothopolis. Are there other Toothopolises? Is he here as a refugee from another defeated tooth city? A cultural or technical exchange? Is he the last of his kind? A new kind of super soldier? A solar powered android?

Why is the toothy future so divided? Why do they insist on non-lethal Cavity Creep solutions? Why does Toothopolis have road signage when the Crest Team is the only ones to have vehicles, and they’re now autonomous? When the Cavity Creeps crawl up through the manhole cover, does that mean they came up through the sewer, presumably Toothopolis’ butthole? Do all dogs wear clothes, or just the annoying siblings of the Crest Team’s dogs?

So many questions.

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The saliva moat is quite a nice feature around Toothopolis…

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Life in Toothopolis is an endless siege. I don’t know what’s more hellish, the moronic “We make holes in teeth!” chant or the “Cre-est” siren.

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I always liked how the dog barks “Crest! Crest!”

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Love the unmistakable “Kirby” look.

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One of the most vivid nightmares I ever had as a kid involved the cavity creeps overpowering the Crest team and killing them. I still remember that dream almost 40 years later. It was wake-up-sweating terrifying.

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The art is by Herb Trimpe, one of the King’s best acolytes.

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meanwhile here in Canada we also got tortured with this show.

The voice actors are those who also did Captain Nemo and other weird voice work out of Toronto and American channels carried the Toothbrush family yet the Wikipedia entry claims its Australian, so whatevehs. (that wiki entry needs a good once over with a brush)

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“I agree that it looks very impressive, Mr President, but no, we can’t build the wall out of giant teeth.”

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Reminds me of this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qKMesCAe44Q

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Surely the jaw-dropping reboot/sequel Crest: Impacted Morality! calls for the graft of Vise Dental Rick Rainy of Halitosis Inc laying the plaque for the rise of dystopian police state on the maxillary pretext of oroantral fistula.

(reason #666 Gully is not in advertising)

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Murphy’s Law - Cavity Creeps. So great.

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And then people are surprized institutional racism is a thing…

rather cringey to watch with modern eyes.

They had one that barked “Colgate!” but they had to take it back to the pound for being off-brand.

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It’s nice that that the Cavity Creeps recite their mission statement. It makes sure that everybody, from the actual tooth drillers, to their boss, to their HR and IT departments, remembers what they are ultimately there to do.

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Nods in Coooobraaaaaa!
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