How to be a warm person


Originally published at:


Strangely, I keep hearing that Trump is utterly charming in person. He’s definitely someone who pays attention to other people’s vulnerabilities and needs.


That’s a definite yes to the “knows your vulnerabilities” part.


Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.


I’d certainly expect him to be. Why is that strange?


It’s strange to me because I think he lacks human empathy. I find it strange that a raging narcissist with sociopathic tendencies can so convincingly feign actual care for people other than himself, and seem more caring than people who actually care for people. I remember listening to a radio piece on a father and son team of right wing millionaire political donors who had a lot of hard questions they were going to pin Trump on before supporting him, but after meeting Trump in person they just dropped their firm political principles and said how nice Trump was, and how they now supported him. It’s effing spooky and scary.


niceness is borne of fear, kindness from self respect.


I remember the feeling of reading Hannah Arendt’s Eichmann in Jerusalem. It is a truly disturbing book. Just the fact that people can do such horrendous things in their daily life but yet be so warm and caring, human, I guess, to their families and friends is terrifying. I find this much more disturbing than the idea of someone who is pure evil and can’t care for anyone. It is a difference which she was able to articulate very well.


Trump. Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.

Must everything be about that guy?


Well, this is the reason I find Lord of the Rings and other fantasy books featuring Evil with a capital E as the nemesis so boring. Real people are much scarier to me than “Evil”. It is weird to think of Mob bosses being violent killers having a loving family. Yet we expect that of our soldiers. But I don’t think Trump fits that mold. I think he simulates caring rather than actually caring. Sociopaths can be very good at lying to get what they want. It’s a tool, as are the people they use.


Well, I don’t hang around them any more than I have to, so take my opinion with a grain of salt - but I don’t see any contradiction between being a raging narcissist megalomaniac and actually caring about other people. It’s just a matter of caring about yourself more. Bill Clinton is famously warm and charming, for example, and while I don’t think Clinton is as self-obsessed as Donald Trump he’s certainly in the world class.


Nope, but that is what this post reminded me of, how “warmth” can be genuine, and how it can be a tool used to manipulate people. We are hard wired in certain ways, and likability is a powerful tool in a manipulators tool set.


I suggest that we’re all dwelling too much on that asshole, and I’m sure he adores the thought. The world doesn’t have to revolve around him if we don’t let it. Everything third thread on this bbs is about that fucker.


it’s not that they hurt you to get some thing you have, like a sociopath, it’s when your discomfort is that thing.


Sounds like work.


Well, I think there are two aspects to that. The world doesn’t have to revolve around him if we can convince congress and the courts to reign him in. But, in the mean time, the fact is that the world really does revolve around this unstable man with the giant yet fragile ego who wields extraordinary power, including the power to destroy all life on earth - literally.

Understanding how he wields this power, including through creating a feeling of “warmth”, is actually on of the keys to understanding and defeating him. Ignoring him and pretending he doesn’t exist is not.


I think that involves a hotel suite and a couple of Russian sex-workers?


Sorry. I’m already feeling a little burnt out on the subject, and it seems everywhere I turn, it’s about him. I probably should have been a little warmer and empathetic with my criticism of your comment.


It’s quite disturbing to see her face go from 60 to 0 after he looks away. Damn cold real fast.


All you need to know.