How to get your money’s worth at an all-you-can-eat buffet

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If you’re going to push the envelope you may want to get a buffet lawyer on retainer:


So, if I piss all over the buffet, I “win?”

God, I hate this so much. Both this kind of thinking and its depiction in this clip.

…and, no 6 year old made that stupid drawing either.


How to win at a buffet.


I’m pleased I’m doing it right!

While I also didn’t like the presentation, I don’t understand what you mean here. You “win” if you get your money’s worth of food that you like. As they say, if what you want is cheap food, maybe don’t pay for a whole buffet.

(I think they overlooked, however, that a dedicated person CAN get their money’s worth of cheap food at a buffet!)

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The very first thing I do at any buffet is take a look over everything that’s on it before I even get a plate. Doesn’t everyone?


It’s not a competition, the facility isn’t trying to “trick” anyone into anything.
If I don’t want rice with my meal, I won’t have any. But I probably will want rice.

If I pile my plate with only caviar with nothing to stretch out it’s wonderful fishy richness it will be way too strong and I’ll go home and puke. Is that when I “win?”


I get that, and I agree. I just literally didn’t understand what your first line meant. I think I get it now, though.

I’m guessing it means the same as "If I just grab all the food on the entire table and put it on my plate, I “win!”

I didn’t like how they presented it either, and I HOPE that they meant you “win” when you pay a fair price for the meal and the restaurant makes a fair profit, not that you only win if you cost the restaurant money for your share.

Other than that, though, when you take the win/lose thing out of it, they do have some good advice for eating at a buffet. Not the most important advice in the world, but I thought it was fun. I think they were trying to be cute more than actually being invested in what they were saying.

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Well, I suppose. The idea that wasting food or not eating what you like just to “get over” can be cute is just a tough one for me.

The whole idea of “getting over” just makes me tired.


Except they said it was a zero sum game. I you’re winning then they’re losing.

Personally, I think if you’re treating it as a competition then you’re eating it wrong


I agree. That’s why I stated what I hope their definition of winning is.

You “win” when you get your money’s worth and enjoy the meal. Any less and you’re giving the restaurant more money than you should for the meal. It’s pretty sleazy to suggest you win when you actually put your favourite buffet out of business. (Alas, in the context of the video, that’s probably what they meant, but I still have hope. And like I said above, I think they were more just trying to be cute by having a concept behind it. I, personally, could make a similar video about how to enjoy a buffet the most! =o)

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Since I seem to be all over this post anyway, I want to state I dislike the very concept of a series called “You’re Eating it Wrong.” If you’re eating something and enjoying it, you’re eating it right.

Maybe they have good advice for stuff, but I hate their angle.

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An anecdote I’m reminded of (which I tend to post on these topics).

I lived with a Japanese guy for a few years. We used to regularly go to Korean BBQ restaurants, the kind where you paid a flat rate for all the grilled meat you can eat.

He got yelled at for eating all the Kalbi. He literally took every single bit of it at the buffet, and then got into what was almost a shouting match with the owner over it!

Very colorful guy. I could tell stories about him for hours, about all the crazy stuff he’s done since I’ve known him.

Love Louis CK, but the king of buffet comedy is (was, RIP) John Pinette.

If I’m making a salad at the buffet, I can see the look of pity in the eyes of others walking by. "Poor guy. He doesn’t know."
Those people spend half their time staking out the empty crab leg bin waiting for a refill, then take everything in the tray the moment it lands.
If that’s a “winner”, I don’t want to be a “winner”.


There’s a pan-Asian buffet near me that has everything from sushi to Chinese food to made-to-order okonomiyaki, but whenever I’m there, the crab-leg-stalkers stand by the bin waiting for it to be filled, then stack them high on their plate. I think they just want to get their money’s worth… but those crab legs are so watery and gross.

Meanwhile I’m eating platefuls of sushi, made fresh to order, which I guess is too weird for the crab leg people.

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I see a lot of people at the hotel free breakfast buffet who seem to insist on taking some of everything available, and they will stand and wait until something that they haven’t had yet is replenished. I guess they feel that they are “getting their moneys worth” or something.

I don’t see why anyone would want to spend their time living that way. Life would really suck.

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