See a stranger, throw a spear.
Sometimes the old ways are best.
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I always wanted to try the theremin. Decision made!
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- When public speaking, try to focus on the content and presentation.
- If you still feel nervous, try imaging your audience in their underwear.
- If you fumble just continue on as though nothing happened.
- If you are a male junior/high school student, and your class contains many attractive people of your preferred gender, please skip step 2.
- Wait what? You already did that? OH GOD WHY DID YOU LISTEN TO ME
- ABORT ABORT ABORT
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BLOW YOURSELF out of the airlock!
That came out completely wrong!!!
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Humanist, extremely liberal, mildly disabled engineer here. I make up stupid songs too, and burp fart and cuss way too much. I’m still not convinced it isn’t 1996 and this isn’t all one of those bad dreams that’s still somehow pleasant in parts. You are in good company here.
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Does the skin flute count?
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On the nose, dear fellow poster. I actually took the time to make notes whilst watching because I can be (not always) very shy and am keenly interested in this topic. Let’s review some key terms/phrases the narrator uses: Provincialism, mature mind, refuses to be cowed, becomes a cosmopolitan … wham, bam, thank you m’am, I’m certainly down with the “fuck that guy” response.
I can stand up in front of 200 people to give a talk and not be shy, but I sit in a small conference room with 10/20/30 other people and try to express my opinion and I feel it coming: The dreaded blush. For those of you who may blush easily, you know of whence I speak. The sudden sweats, and then, the heat, the fullness of the flush, and the asshole to your right who points it out because it’s not embarrassing enough. It’s a physiological response to a social situation that I, for one, cannot accept as an explanation that somehow it’s rooted in being provincial.
I’m not shy because I’m provincial. I’ve forced myself over many years into many situations where I was the other. I desperately wanted to dance in Junior Kimbro’s juke joint outside of Oxford, MS, but I didn’t. I sat quietly and drank my beer. I didn’t see them as other. I saw me as the other.
It’s become slightly easier at 44 due to life experience, but just last week, I was in a small room of librarians and publishers and even though I knew I was right to comment on a mistaken comment, I didn’t raise my hand for fear of looking silly.
Or, maybe I missed his point. So, thus, I blush.
ETA: Junior Kimbrough
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School of Life’s videos usually come down to “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.” which is generally good advice. But I found this “You’re shy because you’re a snob” conclusion way off. Especially given that a lot of their examples of shyness are more “Not acting like an asshole around strangers.”
If you’re going to pump out four or five videos a week you’re eventually going to fuck it up. Even Crash Course has shit the bed so I can overlook this and not unsub… unless it becomes a trend.
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Indeed. And I agree. But those of us who endure such shyness already suffer from a culture that preferences those who don’t. It’s okay to critique a bad analysis of a serious condition. Social anxiety and related mental illnesses cannot possibly be compressed into a 5 minute plus video.
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I’m weird when it comes to shyness. I’m really bad in conversations with people that I don’t know and I actively avoid social situations whenever possible. I’ve always been this way for as long as I can remember - very introverted and shy.
On the other hand I really don’t have much of a problem “performing” in front of a group of strangers. I’ve taught classes and given talks in front of crowds of hundreds of people - and once I got over the initial nervousness, no problems (recognizing I’m not a wonderful public speaker but that’s not really important here). I also have no probeen singing karaoke in a crowded bar or playing Dance Dance Revolution in a crowded arcade. But try to talk to me and I’ll want no part of it until I get to know you better.
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Exactly. Because there’s a barrier there. When I hear that people fear public speaking worse than death, I giggle inside. I fear an intimate party of people where I have to chit chat.
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Yeah I’m with you. I mean I get nervous in the “gee I really hope I don’t screw this up” sense but no crippling fear or anything. It’s not fear so much as anxiety and I usually get over it in a couple of minutes.
I get what you’re saying about barriers and it makes sense.
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Or, you might have some deeper anxiety issues that only get better with medication and therapy.
Oh, all those “simple 10 things to help you” things i heard over the years… The best was “smile into a mirror, so you see someone smiling back”. Holy Jesus.
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Really only Americans smile, and only some of them, and only some of the time.
Walk around with a big smile on your face most anywhere in Europe (or NYC for that matter) and you will look absolutely insane.
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That smile comment was made in Finland, of all places. The least smiley country there is. Though I have to say that she was a very, very young Nurse, probably didn’t know any better yet. But someone there teaches that crap.
Anecdote time. Some years ago, I was pretty miserable during my own birthday. So Dad asked me “Can’t you be happy?”. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. (I didn’t shout, didn’t say it either. Thought it though).
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Ahh yes - I fall foul of this. People think I’m being rude, cold etc…it’s just if I don’t know you I feel awkward (shy maybe, but guarded and a little wary of saying stupid things - when nervous around people I am prone to doing this) then I’ll be pretty introverted.
When I know someone, it’s hard to get me to shut up, I’m quite surprisingly extroverted…but only 1 on 1 or in very small groups. In larger ones I’ve realised to basically avoid because I try and overcompensate and end up looking like a fool…my tactics for overcoming shyness don’t work and I come over boastful or stupid or vain or something…it’s like I kick into overdrive and become a real tosser. I now avoid large social groups for this reason - a party unless small or with some close friends is a real hell for me.
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Yeah i thought that was a rather trite value judgement. Shyness isn’t some badge, it’s not something I particularly want - like walking into a strange bar or bar full of strange people I just shrink…and yes, I’ve had ‘the blush’ too.
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I’ve DJed in front of 10-100 people, maybe more. Many DJs are quite shy actually…I preferred being the DJ at parties because then I had something to focus on, rather than stand looking unhappy with a drink.
Actors also - there’s a weird thing where you can be cripplingly shy in social situations but can perform. I don’t really understand it myself.
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That’s just vomit inducing.
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