Grumpily?
It’s a trap! I am not capable of existing on any un-caffeinated level of consciousness.
Step 1: Wake up.
There, you’re done.
How to wake up without coffee
You gotta be fucking kidding?
Show Full Post -> GET THE BOING BOING NEWSLETTER
I’m lucky! I don’t have to learn how to exist without coffee!
The coffee isn’t to wake me up. It’s my reward for leaving my bed. 
The answer is Mt Dew. Right?
Am I right?
Do I win a prize?
I hope it’s Mt Dew.
Don’t drink coffee in the first place, it’s just that easy. That way you don’t get a caffeine dependency that stops you from being able to wake up.
Or more sensibly, get into a routine where you wake up slowly. I generally become fully awake in the shower, I can get there from my bed with almost no conscious thought because it’s exactly what I did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, but not the day before that because that was sunday.
This looks good, and I’m so going to watch it after I find some coffee.
Waking up without coffee isn’t the hard part…it’s doing much of anything after that point.
Why on earth would I want to do that?
I went decaf decades ago. It’s not that hard, and I feel great in the morning.
Getting there without stepping on the dog or cat is the hard part…
if cat and dog had access to coffee they would be fast enough to dodge the sleep-walking grunting ape stomping to the bathroom
I didn’t really start feeling like I needed caffeine in the morning until after I had a couple of kids. Prior to that, I’d wake up and be good to go. I still get that way eventually, but it’s slow enough that coffee or tea takes the edge off.
The afternoon, though, is non-optional for me. That slump at 2:30 or 3pm? That’s a fucking doozy these days, and caffeine makes me able to go on living then.
Up until 3 weeks ago I was your typical middle age developer that went to bed around 2am (sometimes 4am) and woke around 10 after sleeping through 5 plus alarms. I felt like crap all day and didn’t feel awake until 8pm just in time to do the whole cycle again.
So 3 weeks ago I was (am still, don’t deny it self) going through some things and was desperate enough to try yoga for the first time. I’ve always dismissed it with the 90 lbs flutter things doing impossible moves in their lu lu lemons and being all positive (rolls eyes).
But I was at the breaking point and desperate. I thought, I need to get both my mind and body back in control. What’s the easiest way to do that. Ha! Yoga is just laying on a mat and meditation. Check and Check.
After my class I felt a happiness that I don’t recall feeling since my twenties. I fell asleep that night around midnight and woke around 5-6am. Without alarms. And I felt good and alert for the first time since before puberty. Seriously, I have always hated mornings and struggled to just recall my name and what day of the week it is.
The better sleep patterns and better sleep quality have continued. As has the alertness and ability to focus during the day.
So if anyone in my demographic has been struggling and nothing else has worked. Consider giving yoga a try. Or wait until you are at the breaking point like me. Just tuck this thought away and maybe it will help you when you need it most.
Btw, I love my coffee after yoga, they pair well.
My secret to waking up without coffee:
Not liking the flavor of coffee and therefore not drinking it.
Then there’s the opposite:
