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While you appear to have the same tokenizer and pos-tagger as everybody else, your sentiment-analysis module needs some tweaking.
To wit:
If Rob opens his safe, this thread will (shortly) end.
Rob likes humo(u)r*.
As such, we can infer that Rob likes to see humor.
People want to see things that they like.
People like to see quality in the things they see.
Thus, Rob likes to see quality humor.
If Rob says “the quality of humor in this thread has very nearly convinced me never to try opening it again”, we know that since Rob to not open the safe to prolong the thread, he thinks the thread is full of quality humor.
* The proof of this is left as an exercise for the reader.
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My husband is convinced this is all a hoax because he “saw it on Reddit once” so if you don’t open it he’s going to think he’s right and I hate that.
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I’m sorry! We’re all sorry! We’ll try to suck more!
Want to hear some Dad jokes?
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We are faced with one of two possibilities:
- The safe is unopened. Rob @beschizza will never open it.
- The safe has been opened. Rob @beschizza will never tell us he’s opened it.
Therefore, Rob is keeping us in a perpetual state of not knowing whether he has opened the safe, so when we think of the safe, we think of it as simultaneously open and closed, similar to Schrödinger’s Cat being simultaneously alive and dead.
I’m naming this paradox Beschizza’s Safe.
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There is no safe.
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The safe is a lie?
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We are IN the safe.
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The lie is a safe.
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The safe is real, but I can’t vouch for its presence in your epistemic playpens.
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Okay, I’m officially not funny anymore. Happy now?
(Whaddaya mean, “What’s the difference?”?)
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Yup, even though the rule has already been broken. Need the whole story including contents.
Gotta make that front page!
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So…what if the contents of the safe are 6 kilos of coke from the 80s? What is Rob not telling us when he clams the safe hasn’t been opened? Could it be that he’s actually opened it already? :-/
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Rob should start a podcast about his unopened safe and call it either Safe Talk or Safe Assumption.
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Every week he can talk about different possible ways to open the safe and then, each next podcast, conclude that the method previously discussed is either too risky, too difficult or too expensive. In the very last podcast we’ll discover that the safe never existed anywhere but in a dog’s dream… :-/
(Meanwhile, Rob is driving an expensive new convertible with the the personalized plate “SAFCRKR”.)
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Who nose.
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Tonight on “Safe Space”…
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