Bust Rob's Safe Wide Open šŸ”

In order to open Robā€™s safe

Iā€™ve started a gofundme campaign to raise that $400 for @beschizza and crack this godforsaken safe once and for all.

Letā€™s make this happen, people! Iā€™ve kicked it off by contributing $50 to get us startedā€¦ every $ helps!

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Iā€™m in, too. This has gone on long enough.

For Christā€™s sake.

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Okay, hereā€™s the big question-

If we donate, and the safe turns out to be filled with banknotes or stock certificates or something, do the people who chipped in for the locksmith get a cut?

Because then Iā€™m in for $25.

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Iā€™m pretty sure this will be inside

Only one way to find out, my friends.

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Hire a locksmith to open that thing? No deal. If Iā€™m going to contribute I want to see that thing opened up using the technique Robert De Niro employed in The Score: create a hole in the top with a thermic lance, fill the safe with water, insert a small explosive charge and let the shockwave blast the door open from the inside.

Deemed ā€œplausibleā€ by Mythbusters!

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Get a pants-less method actor to mock Rob by noting his resemblance to a character from childrenā€™s entertainment?

Surely it wouldnā€™t be the first time for that sort of thingā€¦

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Although it destroyed the contents of the safeā€¦

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Yabut will my payment go to refashioning the now-closed Shopko in Bountiful, UT into a giant, lifelike statue of Jean Lafitte?*

*Asking for my chaotic neutral elven friendsā€¦

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Iā€™m in. Will get to it by the end of the day.

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You might not want to botherā€¦

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Jesus.

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Since this has already been started, I will do it!

$403.99 stretch goal: Geraldo Rivera photograph placed lovingly on the safe as it is filmed being opened.

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Iā€™m in. Agree on the stretch goal. If we canā€™t make this an entertainment win, we should make it an epic fail

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Not entirely!

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This is about porn, right? I mean, it is isnā€™t it?

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Why does GoFundMe want my zip code and first name? Isnā€™t my money good enough for them without my demographics?

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Iā€™m making a pledge in Donald trumpā€™s name for negative eleventy million dollars and Iā€™m nominating DB Cooper as ā€˜Doubloon Deliverymanā€™.

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:musical_note: There was nothing in Al Caponeā€™s vault, but it wasnā€™t Geraldoā€™s fault :musical_note:

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How much to have it opened by a locksmith in a chicken outfit?

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They need it to charge your card. Same reason the gas pump needs a zip code these days. Iā€™m actually surprised they didnā€™t need a full billing address.


Why did it take us this long to back Rob in a corner?!

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