Bust Rob's Safe Wide Open 🔐


In order to open Rob’s safe

I’ve started a gofundme campaign to raise that $400 for @beschizza and crack this godforsaken safe once and for all.


Let’s make this happen, people! I’ve kicked it off by contributing $50 to get us started… every $ helps!

I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

I’m in, too. This has gone on long enough.

For Christ’s sake.


Okay, here’s the big question-

If we donate, and the safe turns out to be filled with banknotes or stock certificates or something, do the people who chipped in for the locksmith get a cut?

Because then I’m in for $25.


I’m pretty sure this will be inside

Only one way to find out, my friends.


Hire a locksmith to open that thing? No deal. If I’m going to contribute I want to see that thing opened up using the technique Robert De Niro employed in The Score: create a hole in the top with a thermic lance, fill the safe with water, insert a small explosive charge and let the shockwave blast the door open from the inside.

Deemed “plausible” by Mythbusters!


Get a pants-less method actor to mock Rob by noting his resemblance to a character from children’s entertainment?

Surely it wouldn’t be the first time for that sort of thing…


Although it destroyed the contents of the safe…


Yabut will my payment go to refashioning the now-closed Shopko in Bountiful, UT into a giant, lifelike statue of Jean Lafitte?*

*Asking for my chaotic neutral elven friends…


I’m in. Will get to it by the end of the day.


You might not want to bother…



I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

Since this has already been started, I will do it!

$403.99 stretch goal: Geraldo Rivera photograph placed lovingly on the safe as it is filmed being opened.


I’m in. Agree on the stretch goal. If we can’t make this an entertainment win, we should make it an epic fail


Not entirely!


This is about porn, right? I mean, it is isn’t it?


Why does GoFundMe want my zip code and first name? Isn’t my money good enough for them without my demographics?


I’m making a pledge in Donald trump’s name for negative eleventy million dollars and I’m nominating DB Cooper as ‘Doubloon Deliveryman’.


:musical_note: There was nothing in Al Capone’s vault, but it wasn’t Geraldo’s fault :musical_note:


How much to have it opened by a locksmith in a chicken outfit?


They need it to charge your card. Same reason the gas pump needs a zip code these days. I’m actually surprised they didn’t need a full billing address.

Why did it take us this long to back Rob in a corner?!