I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

[RickMycroft]

Either that, or click-bait articles: “A man opened a hidden safe in his closet and wished he hadn’t.”

[OtherMichael]

Two more alternatives for you to sink your teeth into:

[anon35121463]

I like that last one with the sweet nose-piercings.

[SenorSchaffer]

[SenorSchaffer]

[anon63496581]

[Grey_Devil]

[anon61221983]

[SteampunkBanana]

I remember when my wife and I first heard about the safe, we immediately conceived to mark the occasion.

We need to figure out how calendars work, it’s getting tight around the house.

[nimelennar]

If so, I think someone misunderstood the concept of “safe sex.”

[OtherMichael]

Aw, you spoiled my surprise!

[daneel]

Have you considered a safe name?

Chubb?
Hamilton?
Liberty?

[Grey_Devil]

ACME?

[nimelennar]

Asfalís?
Sicuro?
Sábháilte?

[anon36081309]

Meep Meep.

[OtherMichael]

@daneel

Have you considered a safe name?

Rob? 

[daneel]

I guess safe babies are better than crack babies.

[knoxblox]

But then again, safecracker babies are quite an exploitable tool.

[anon26304152]

All I want for festivus is the safe open. The safe open.

[dave_b]

Mr s a scope.