If the Doctors Who were American


It’s missing Peter Falk.


Van Dyke is still a wanted man in the UK for crimes against the Cock-a-knee “accent”.

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The universe is not ready for a Christopher Walken Doctor. I sincerely doubt it ever will be.

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The UK’s reaction to his performance in Mary Poppins is the reason why Van Dyke refused to even attempt an accent for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang even though his character was ostensibly English.

Also missing is Crispin Glover of course.


I have no problem with any of these.

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I would say that several of the actors were too “big” to have played Dr Who on the dates indicated…eg. Nicolas Cage…

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The actors could have definitely pulled it off. I bet it could even be written properly. But then there’d be studio and network notes and they’d want 22-26 episodes per season. Also whatever network it was on would get a new president halfway into its first season looking for any excuse to kill off his predecessor’s greenlit projects. The ratings would dip half a point in a key demographic and that would be enough of a reason to cancel it.

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The fact that Gene Wilder never played a Dr. Who is clearly a sign that we are not living in the best of all possible worlds. TAKE THAT, THEODICY.


You mean “Tom Baker” wasn’t just a pseudonym??

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And yes, Columbo was another “stuck on earth” incarnation.

Credit needs to be given to the original source: http://www.buzzfeed.com/newu456/what-if-doctor-who-was-american-5pxx

On Craig Ferguson’s show a couple years ago he asked Van Dyke about that accent. His response was the no one on set (the director, Julie Andrews or anyone really) told him his accent was bad. So really, the blame should be placed on them and not on Dick. He would have tried to fix it if he knew.

But then there’d be studio and network notes and they’d want 22-26 episodes per season.

I wouldn’t mind that myself. Consider

season 13

Terror of the Zygons: 4 episodes
Planet of Evil: 4 episodes
Pyramids of Mars : 4 episodes
Android Invasion: 4 episodes
Brain of Morbius: 4 episodes
Seeds of Doom : 6 episodes

overall, a great season.

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Yeah, that was an excellent season for Doctor Who, wasn’t it… I think the question is not just who would play the doctor that season, but who would play Sara Jane!


Well we certainly can’t have 4-part episodes, let alone a 6-parter. Anyone who misses an earlier part will skip the later episodes and that’ll hurt ratings! Also it’s terrible for syndication. Stations buying syndication rights want people to be able to tune in and watch any individual episode without needing to know when it takes place. None of this long-term storyline crap. Now make me 100 individual episodes so I can sell them in a single package for reruns!

Am I the only one who found all the jump-cuts distracting? Maybe I’m showing my age.

I have no idea who Don Glover is. Am I hopelessly out of touch?

Anyway, replace him with Mos Def.

I’ll just leave this here.