I agree with you,
Though lots of men here seem to be denying that women also suffer from the exact problem as children (you’re not). I’m tired of my experiences being erased or ignored because men think this is only a problem for boys. It’s most certainly not.
Here’s my contribution.
5. Don’t compare women to the magazine and porn pics you see online. In reality, everyone isn’t perfect: especially the models in the pictures.
I mention this because I’ve seen incels whine that the women who are into them aren’t ‘perfect’ which I’m like… LOL
Let me amplify your comment which perfectly dovetails with what I said two years ago; many of these incel/PUA assholes have ridiculously high standards and requirements that are damn near unattainable for the average human woman.
They seem to think they are ‘owed’ the “babe of their dreams…”
Probably because that idea is so deeply entrenched and reinforced by pop culture.
That’s good advice, but for many people the pain of possible rejection outweighs the possible rewards.
Everyone is on a spectrum of introversion/extroversion. Saying, “Hey, just go out and meet people and say hi!” Is really easy for some people to say and do, and a paralyzing prospect for others.
It’s like telling someone with depression to just “cheer up”.
I think many if not most kids have moments of awkwardness, shyness, and introversion. Speaking from my experience, I was comfortable with literally a handful of people my age, and actually gravitated towards older people who were way less prone to petty bullshit. College and the ability to sort of “start over” and “find myself” helped make me a much better adjusted individual. I even got married and divorced - living the dream 
This. There’s no excuse for it. These murderers have no point. There are plenty of people who were unpopular in high school and who didn’t date much or at all, and they never did this. There are plenty of people who fit the weird loner stereotype well into adulthood, but they’re genuinely good people who would never dream about doing anything violent. People get picked on and rejected all the time, but that doesn’t cause them to kill people.
To blame crimes like this on celibacy, involuntary or not, is such a weak fucking excuse you may as well blame it on a hangnail or a stubbed toe. And to think that it might, just might, even at a stretch, have anything to do with the killer’s sex life is giving it a legitimacy that it should never have. It’s focusing the attention on the killer just like he wants, and taking attention away from the victims, where it belongs.
The victims often don’t even get reported on. The killer gets a huge media spread, he gets his manifesto published, he gets identified with an ideology, and everyone speculates on what drove him to it, but the victims get like a sentence or two each, usually identifying them as wives and mothers.
I’m getting real tired of all the weak-ass excuses for shitty inhumane behavior- so many of us are/were weird, awkward, bullied, unpopular and/or lonely.
Hell, I disliked the vast majority of the people I had to endure in high school, but I never decided that made it ‘okay’ to go on a fucking killing spree.
Yeah, it bothers me in the extreme how it turns into a series of excuses for bad behavior. Sure there’s the background of upbringing and social cues but the one who pulls the trigger is the one who has to take responsibility. Yes, we need to tackle toxic masculinity head on but murder is murder. The aggravating circumstances outweigh any mild pity one may feel for someone who’s a murderer.
That was my main point, that we had a perfectly good word, but decided to appropriate a different word that doesn’t quite fit and use that instead. The rest is a bit of a rant about letting extremists define our language, which I feel is a subtle but powerful acknowledgement of their views and legitimizes their position.
I would recommend editing your original post to clarify, as that was clearly not how your original statement was taken.
I usually try to avoid editing posts that have been replied to, but in this case I guess it just didn’t come across.
Somehow the lack of sex education made teens not aware that it’s a physical process between how your body looks as a kid to how it will look as a fully formed adult. There’s a lot of anxiety about looks and some shock when you get into your early twenties and realize people see you as fuckable and attractive.
Most of my peer nerds and dorks did took some more time to fully mature but the great majority are married or in long term relationships.
Self perception and low self esteem rarely are good measures of how people actually see you.
The important issue here isn’t that extremists “stole” a word that was once used by non-violent, largely sympathetic but socially awkward guys. Words acquire new meanings all the time, and not always for the better. That’s just part of the nature of how language works.
The important issue is that guys currently self-identifying by that word have been stealing human lives.
I don’t really think that misogyny became a dirty word at all, then. I think that as a society we’re more willing than ever to call misogyny misogyny.
This “incel” thing is a more specialized phenomenon where someone who would actually probably do okay gets so pissed off that they aren’t the most popular kid in school with the hottest girlfriend, which they feel they are owed somehow, that they for some reason think they need to kill random people 
I’m not a fan of that concept either. If it were up to me, none of the reporting would mention it, because it is not even worth mentioning, period.
So this teenager didn’t have enough money for “the happy ending” and murdered a woman. Lock him up.
I was an awkward, weirdly proportioned kid who grew into an awkward, weirdly proportioned adult, and I still can’t even fathom this. There’s no excuse at all.
Exactly, “incel” isn’t its own word because we aren’t allowed to say “misogynist” anymore, it’s its own word because it refers to a specific subset of misogynists.
Lots of misogynists have plenty of sexual partners. For example, our current President has spent decades sticking his ding-dong in any superficially attractive woman who was willing to demean herself for a little fame or fortune. He’s an asshole who doesn’t see women as actual human beings, but he’s not an “incel.”
My teen self feels seen.
Because most of us aren’t sociopaths who think other people are property to be used. There is a rather nasty undercurrent to inceldom which is self-perpetuating. Having an overinflated sense of entitlement, lack of regard for people, and self centered behavior is a very effective form of contraception.
And yet the way you see yourself and your body and the way others see you and your body differ. Reality is somewhere in the middle.
I’m not even touching on body disphoria or body modification.
I don’t deal in absolutes, I said maturing happens to the majority of human beings. I didn’t say adult bodies are all conventionally attractive or not awkward. Yet, somehow, even if we see ourselves as ugly or weird or unlovable a good portion of us have been in relationships during adulthood.
telling someone to attack a bully is the worst advice. the full power of the state will come down on you.
i am a very large, strong person, but people had zero qualms bullying me because they knew if i used those attributes i’d be instantly expelled and possibly jailed.
modern bullying isn’t being stuffed into lockers, it’s verbal + exclusion.
