Cheerios + Vinegar = Something similar to Dumbledore’s least favorite Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean that has forever “soured” his taste for that brand of of jelly beans.
Or we could switch to more insect-based proteins now, and ideally avoid the climate catastrophe. I’ve never had cicadas (and not interested in sugar crisped ones, just not much of a sweet tooth) but I’ve had delicious marinated, sautéed crickets, and a good savory mealworm trail mix.
1 Like
Can cereal be considered soup?
5 Likes
Yes. And lasagna is, technically, a sandwich. 
7 Likes
bad for the complexion
1 Like
Well, fuck. Now I can’t eat anything at all.
7 Likes
I started a sect, “Luftafarianism” a few years ago: no food, just air, and booze. I’ve had a disappointing level of interest (none), but will happily add you to our member list. We also do MadLibs.
4 Likes
13 Likes
A layer cake is a sandwich?
7 Likes
9 Likes
From Still Life with Woodpecker, by Tom Robbins.
On the right side-panel of the verbose and somewhat tautological box of Cheerios, it is written,
If you are not satisfied with the quality and/or performance of the Cheerios in this box, send name, address, and reason for dissatisfaction—along with entire boxtop and price paid—to: General Mills, Inc., Box 200-A, Minneapolis, Minn., 55460. Your purchase price will be returned.
It isn’t enough that there is a defensive tone to those words, a slant of doubt, an unappetizing broach of the subject of money, but they leave the reader puzzling over exactly what might be meant by the “performance” of the Cheerios.
Could the Cheerios be in bad voice? Might not they handle well on curves? Do they ejaculate too quickly? Has age affected their timing or are they merely in a mid-season slump? Afflicted with nervous exhaustion or broken hearts, are the Cheerios smiling bravely, insisting that the show must go on?
One thing you can say for the inscription, it makes you want to rush to the pantry, seize a box of Cheerios, rip back its tab (being careful not to tear it off lest there come a time to send in the boxtop, which must be entire), part the waxed paper inner bag with both hands, dispatch a significant minority of the Cheerio population head over heels into a bowl, douse them immediately with a quantity of milk (presumedly, they do not perform when dry), sprinkle some white sugar on top, and then, crouch, face close to the bowl, watching, evaluating, as the tiny, tan, lightweight oat doughnuts, irregular in size, tone, and texture, begin to soak up the milk and the sugar granules dissolved therein, growing soft and soggy, expanding somewhat as liquid is absorbed; and you may be thinking all the while about the toroid shape, the shape of the cyclone, the vortex, the whirlpool, the shape of a thing made of itself yet mysteriously distinct from itself; thinking about rings, halos, men overboard, the unbroken cycle of life, the void as nucleus, or, best of all, bodily orifices; thinking about whatever the trove of toroidal trinkets might inspire as, center holes flooded with sugary milk, they relax and go blobby in the bowl; but appraising, even as your mind wanders, appraising, testing, criticizing, asking repeatedly: do Cheerios measure up to Wheaties with beer, would they mix well with batshit in times of strife, would Ed Sullivan have signed them, would Knute Rockne have recruited them, how well do these little motherfuckers perform?
7 Likes
5 Likes
4 Likes
10 Likes
16 Likes
I don’t know that there have been zero innovations to the cereal isle. The fact alone that American grocery stores have an entire cereal isle is an accomplishment worth celebrating. But I think we also need to give credit to the cinnamon toast crunch company for making churros a bowl friendly breakfast food. That was a pleasant surprise to return home to.
3 Likes
I am reminded of this recent bit on io9:
Look! Marshmallow ghosts that are significantly more ghost-shaped! Little “anti” symbols that are red! I don’t know what is up with the yellow-orange “anti” rings, but we should have higher standards for crappy cash-grab cereals now than we did back in the ‘80s. (Plus, free gum!)
Someone in the comments pointed out that the box art of the 80’s version was in fact a tremendous exaggeration (even more than usual, that is) and that it did not in fact feature the “little ‘anti’ symbols”.
See also:
3 Likes
As I said… who can deny the correctness of Cookie Monster’s insight here…
8 Likes
